My Story Of Parental Abuse

My Story

The following is a composition of numerous events in my life where I now have discovered I was abused by my late Mother, Physically, Emotionally and Verbally.

"My mother was controlling, manipulative, attention and sympathy seeking, she would say things to others about me that were just down right lies, as a child she would lock me in a dark cupboard and leave me there for hours, she would often hit me, she beat me with a broom, her shoes and fists. After I left home she resorted to other forms of cruelty, emotional violence, one year on my birthday she openly told me she hated me and had spent her entire life trying to destroy me, even just before her death she orchestrated things to ensure I was to become an outcast to other family members, she would say one thing to me and something entirely different to others, for years I blamed myself and believed I must be a bad Daughter, I now know that's not true, I didn't have the problem my mother did, now she is dead I am finally free."

Read on.....

(in brackets are my approx age at time)

I had no idea I was an abused child let alone adult, I know that all through my life for as long as I can remember I had a very on/off relationship with my late mother until her death in April 09. I kept most of what she had done to me and how she had treated me cruelly to myself, however as a result of what I have learned since her death I have now decided to put my side of the story out there, I know the truth and the following is it.

My mother locked me (age 3+) in a cupboard under the stairs, I was at that time an only child living with my parents, I only had to look at my mum wrong and she would then drag me off screaming no mummy please don't please Ill be good, but she just ignored me and put me in the cupboard, I would scream and cry and plead with her to let me out and promise her anything she didn't once relent, however she did always allow me out in good time before my Dad was due home, he never noticed Id been crying or if he did she made up some tale about me having fallen over or done something so she had smacked me, I never told him she put me in the cupboard because I was too afraid she would put me in it again for telling him, to this day I don't think he knows I kept out of her way most of the time through fear of the cupboard, this continued until I was 5 or 6 yrs old.

My Mum would also leave me in the house alone for hours saying she was going to my Granny's house and told me not to go outside or try to get out if I did she would put me in the cupboard, I would spend the time looking out the window waiting for her to come back, I know I was scared and frightened being on my own, she used to get on a motorbike just down from where we lived, out of sight of my other Granny's house, whether she went to my Granny's or not I never asked, somehow now I think the man on the motorbike was probably another of her lovers, she had plenty of those through the years, I'm even thinking that could have also been behind her putting me in the cupboard, it would certainly make sense for her not being bothered by my pleas to be let out if she wasn't there she wouldn't have heard them.

Right from when a small child (age 6/7) I had been considered the "black sheep" of the family, my younger sister and brother could do no wrong, on the other hand I could do no right, I had also been thrust into the role of eldest child due to my older brother being adopted at age 7, he was born before my mother got married and had a different father to my sister and I. I wasn't a model obedient child by any means, I often got up to naughty things child like but considered naughty, my Mothers youngest brother used to get me to steal things for him from my Grampys bedroom, I was often unable to get back out the way I had gone in through the window, because my Uncle and his friend disappeared as soon as I had given them what they wanted, this meant I got caught in my Grandparents bedroom more than once. I got into trouble for that often, I didn't realise that I was stealing the things I didn't consider it stealing but of course it was. I also remember a time when a friend and myself (aged 8-9) decided to go carol singing we collected a lot of money or so it seemed to us, my Granny caught us took the money from us both and marched me home of course it did my reputation as being bad no good.

I was age 9/10 when Mum hit me with the broom, I went to school and was called into the headmasters office and asked lots of questions, I discovered I had green stick fractures in both of my arms where I had put them up to cover my face and head, I didn't let on Mum had done it for fear of more of the same. Mum used to often beat me about the head and body where there would not be any marks or none visible, most of the time I had no idea of what I was supposed to have done wrong if anything, Mum would hit me for no reason and any reason, I mean hit me in the adult sense often it would be about the head with her fists, I often had lumps on my head under the hair. Even if I had not done a thing wrong I was still blamed so in the end I gave up trying to protest my innocence, I knew that I wouldn't be believed no matter what it was.

When a child whilst all others of my age were out playing, (age 9/10+) doing what children do I was not allowed out unless I took my younger sister with me, then along came my brother so then I had to take them both with me on the rare occasion I was allowed out. Not long after my brother was born I aged 12 was left to change him, bathe him, feed him, dress him and to put him to bed, I did same with my sister too, my brother and sister being 7 and 12 years younger than myself, I did this right up until I was at least 16.

I also did all of the cooking and cleaning, washing, etc, things my mother should have been doing, I was doing from about age 9 onwards.

Both of my parents worked so it was left to me to get my siblings up and ready for school and the childminder, which I did for several years until my younger brother was approx 4/5 years old that's when I left home. Until this time from when my brother was born I had been his primary caregiver, I taught him how to dress himself how to tie his shoes tell the time and other things usually catered for by a child's mother, I even took him for his first day at school.

My Parents separated when I was 16.

I left my mothers home aged 16, having arrived home late (about 30min) one evening I noticed the house was in total darkness I went inside as I did my Mother started to hit me about my head and body with her stiletto heeled shoes, she had been laying in wait for me. The very next day as soon as I had a chance to get out of the house I ran all the way to where my Dad was living, I never returned to live with my mother after that day.

I escaped the physical violence at age 16. Mum moved to another town when I was 19 so I didn't see much of her after that.

In 1990 my sister died, that's roughly when the emotional abuse started, a few years before my sister died my mum told me she had a heart attack, then not long afterwards a triple heart bypass operation, so I began to contact her on a more regular basis thinking she could possibly drop down dead at any minute, I also discovered my sister had been told I hated her, I don't hate anyone not even my mother not even now.

(Mum lied about her so say Heart condition for over 20 years, I found out it was all lies on 17/4/2009)

The year of my Sisters death my ex stabbed me, a few months later I heard that my ex had been to visit my mum and that she had agreed with some things he had said practically condoning his actions. At about the same time my mum was running a cleaning job in some offices, a male friend of mine began working with her whilst they were working my mum said terrible things about me, that I was a liar, untrustworthy, had loose morals that I was mentally sick, at roughly same time I would get phone calls saying she was ill and most of the time I dropped everything to go see her.

Some days I would spend all morning on the phone with her on one such day, she wanted me to go to see her so I went, she was actually in bed with the flu that time, so I stayed there for 1 or 2 nights whilst there I came across a letter she had written to a friend of hers, I spotted my name so I read it the letter was one long whinge from her about what a callous and uncaring heartless person I so say was how I would lie to her cheat her out of money and god alone knows what else she caught me reading it, so I asked her why was she saying those things about me that they were all unfounded, she became angry and violent and went to lash out at me, I held her off when she calmed down I let her go, I asked her why do you dislike me so much, to this she said I hate you I've always hated you and I've spent all my life trying to destroy you that day also happened to be my Birthday.

Although it shocked me to hear her say this it was something I had felt deep inside me for a long time, I left and had no more contact with her after that for over 18 months, at the time I had £3 to my name and about half tank petrol and I was living approx 60 miles away. It took me years to accept that a Mother could hate her own child. I went to see her some 18 months later and we patched our differences, from then (1994) we had a fairly civilised relationship as far as it goes, although we still had the odd spells of falling out and no contact things went on in this way until May 2008.

She started to phone me often asking me if I could lend her say £100 this was becoming a regular occurrence, one day she rang me in tears saying she was going to have the bailiffs at her door if she didn't pay off her catalogue, for goods my younger brother (allegedly) had from her catalogue, he had not been making payments for them, I was suspicious about her story so I asked her to let me know who to make a cheque payable to I sent over a cheque for the full amount to clear up the whole debt, £750 approx, I suggested in future not to bother with mail order catalogues. I continued giving her £500 here and there, I gave her money to go away on holiday £1000 , this continued up to Xmas 2007, her birthday in the January (2008) I gave her another £500. She had by this time started expecting me to give her money.

The final time of us having a no contact phase happened in 2008 I had been giving her lots of cash my finances were good so I would often give her £500 here or there I paid her phone bills, took her cigarettes and money every time I saw her, she soon latched on to me then, at first I was happy to give her a few hundred here and there, I would estimate I gave her £5000 over some 3-4 years, I didn't once ask her what she had done with any of it. In May 2008 she rang me and was dropping hints about how she had no money, however by then I had wised up so I told her I couldn't help her out, upon hearing me say I couldn't help her out she said well you're no good then and hung up. From then I stopped contacting her until early December 2008, I rang her and we were OK again however she kept saying if you come over at Xmas be nice be good, which puzzled me so I asked her what she meant, She never gave any logical or straight answer.

I wasn't asked if I wanted to go to her place for Xmas Eve she just took it for granted that I would.

About 2 weeks or so before Xmas I went over to see her, she told me that my younger brother had again had some goods from her catalogue, value (£1000+) a cousin of mine was there when she made this claim. She again started on about be nice be good, I said to her Mum what are you on about why do you keep saying be nice be good to me I am not bad friends with anyone I don't have a problem with any of the family, then it started to dawn on me she was saying that because she had been telling lies again, to some family members namely my 3 cousins who had no reason to not believe her, until then I got on well with all of my family apart from one Uncle.

One evening about a week later I popped over to see her, (to take her 200 cigarettes) she was alone, she came out with the be nice be good line again this time I wasn't going to let it go, then she came out with some total fairy story claiming that myself and a friend had years beforehand robbed old age pensioners, apparently we waited outside post offices for them to get their pensions, and once they had we then robbed them WTF! I think she had told my cousins this complete and utter bare faced lie, she may have even added that she was scared I would do the same to her.

Her claims of my so say robbing pensioners had no connection to her saying be nice be good, in her saying this she had given herself away, and inadvertently told me what she had been telling others, I didn't however realise this until later hindsight is always 20/20!

I told her that she was wrong in saying I had robbed pensioners, that it was a total and wicked load of lies which she knew, I could tell by her reaction and how she didn't try to dispute it when I said it was completely untrue, of course though that was to me, now though I'm sure she claimed I got angry or violent towards her when she relayed the nights events to my cousins or any other family members the next day. I shudder to think what other outlandish tales she told others about me this was one such tale I wouldn't put anything past her now.

On this same occasion I also took across a piece I had written about her life to be included on a family history website Ive created, when she read it she became extremely angry then turned on the tears, and went on to say that what I had written others were not aware of and knew nothing about her past etc, she was really angry violently so I am sure if she could have got to me she would have hit me, the tears of course led me to believe she was upset so I apologised and told her I wouldn't add it to the website, which I didn't. What I had written though was just the truth.

I had unknowingly exposed her and all of her secrets, she had been telling others how good and kind she was and there in black and white was the truth about her, her misdeeds and lies were laid bare right in front of her eyes she threw me one evil look, I had done the one thing I should never ever have done I had the means to expose her, and she was going to do something to ensure I could never ever reveal what I knew to any other family member and that's what she has done.

I didn't get a Birthday or Christmas Card from her that year (08)

Also at Xmas 2008 myself and 1 of my brothers had given money to my mother for her to get what she wanted by way of Xmas gifts, (she always wanted money) I could afford to do this, however my Brother was struggling financially so I guess he would have found it harder to give her money. My Mother and My Husband were in the kitchen my niece joined them, my H carried on making tea my Mum was talking to K my H overheard my mum telling K that she had given her £20 however she would give her more later once we had all gone. When told of this I was disgusted, how ungrateful and thoughtless of my mother to give others gifts she had been given she knew my brothers financial situation, yet she took money from him only to later give it to another, not only was she favouring one Granddaughter she was doing so using the money she was given for Xmas.

I had already decided I wouldn't be giving her any large amounts of cash ever again, and being told of this was as good as confirmation that I had done right and that she wasn't at all grateful, Just Greedy .

Years earlier I had had a Will drawn up for her at her request it was done legally. I also made promises to do things for her after she died, so when during her final week on earth I heard from my brother that he also had a will and he was intending to arrange the funeral and carry out her last requests, I was surprised but told him I wouldn't stand in his way I also mentioned that I too had made some promises to Mum, my words were ignored now of course I know why. I was actually very upset at the time especially when it became obvious I wasn't going to be given the right to carry out my promises, my Mum spoke of my having her Will only 5 or so weeks before she died, I could have easily contested the other Will however I didn't think it worthwhile, she only had a few items of sentimental value anyway.

She was in Hospital for the last weeks of her life each day my cousins and uncle kept a vigil at her bedside, I found this a strange thing to do every day, I dismissed it at first until one night I rang to enquire how she was and I was asked who I was so I told them her Daughter, to this the nurse said but her Daughter is here with her now I told the nurse that wasn't possible because she only had one Daughter, I soon caught on.

I decided to look into some of what had been going on so I set about investigating, from what I've learned she told the hospital not to leave me alone if I visited her, because I would possibly take things out of her hand bag or tell her I wanted money, she told them the same evil story about my so say robbing pensioners, that I often became violent towards her in person or when I rang her, that I had virtually terrorised her and threatened her, so could they ensure I was not at anytime alone with her, to keep her purse in the safest place if not I would steal it again!!

I was allegedly a drug addict I always wanted money from her, these also being the reasons for my not to be left alone with her, She told them I would try to get her front door keys, because I wanted to get into her place to go through her belongings and take things, she claimed I had not bothered about her when she had been in hospital, that if I did ever visit it was only to try to get more money, I am supposed to have threatened and intimidated her, and god knows what else that I'm an extremely violent person, I scared her on a regular basis she had tried to disown me but I wouldn't stay away.

However they said she was beginning to lose her mind so perhaps it was due to that so I let it go. She had lied about her so say having congestive heart failure she said she had heart attacks in her 50`s she had her first heart attack in (08) her 2nd about 10 days before she died.

I visited her on April 17th 2009 whilst there she whispered to me to get something for her so she could die, I asked what she replied heroine I had no intentions of doing anything of the kind I wouldn't know how to get hold of it anyway, however as soon as I had gone and she was alone with a nurse she told them I had told her I was going to add some heroine to her drip so she would die soon, I am assuming this reinforced her claims of my not to be left alone with her at anytime.

I did notice that not long after myself and my Brother arrived at the hospital on Saturday 18th April 2009 the nurse came along and took down her drip it wasn't empty, she took it down probably to ensure I had not put anything in it, then they put her bed directly opposite the nurses station and never moved from the desk which until then had not been manned by any of the nurses, from that day onwards I was not contacted by the hospital to inform me if she had worsened. When I left the hospital on 18/4/09 they had told me I would be notified immediately if her condition deteriorated, I wasn't informed.

With discovering the above its now as clear as glass why my family turned hostile, why they didn't want me anywhere near her place, etc. I had a feeling that something had gone on that she had said or done something in order to cause my family to exclude me, and I now believe that the above must be connected.

I would say My Mother was wicked and evil when she said she hated me she had really meant it.

In my opinion everything my Mother claimed I had been towards her of my always wanting money from her etc is the total reverse, money is not my God if I have it I have it and I will also share it, as for her possessions she had nothing worth having or what she did had been given to her as a present at one time or another, I had no need to do any of what she claimed. All I have discovered just proves to me what a nasty person my Mother was, she projected her nastiness on to me and replaced it with my good characteristics everything she claimed I am she was. She also sold a wheelchair my friend had loaned her.

She somehow managed to arrange things so that at no time when I did go to see her (at her home ) was any other family member there apart from say Xmas or her Birthdays she managed to keep us apart, so of course what she was telling others didn't ever get back to me, plus others didn't see how much I had done for her all others knew was what she led them to believe.

I am hurt however I hold no grudge.

She has destroyed my relationship with my brothers, I also know I should have severed all ties when she told me she hated me, I didn't because in my mind I couldn't comprehend that a Mother could really hate her own child, I know now that it is possible, I'm living proof. I tried throughout my life to be a decent Daughter she knew this and used it against me to further her own agenda, I've lost my family through my Mothers hate for me I can only hope she's being asked to account for her deeds.

My Mother was out and out evil I feel, I'm a survivor though Ill rise above it. Another thing My Mother did was to damage my relationship with my Dad she told him I wasn't his child.

I've also learned that my Mother told my youngest brother that she took out a £3000 bank loan, however upon investigating this I'm reliably informed that due to her age and the type of account she had, ( government issue ) she could not have possibly arranged a loan of any kind, the bank account she had did not cater to setting up direct debits plus at 75/6 years of age on state benefits and not in good health no bank would have agreed to a loan of any amount.

I am not sure and have no proof of this however I feel that she said this to my brother & his wife in order to cover her having been sent large amounts of cash on a regular basis so they were told she had taken out a loan, when in fact I had given her the money so with everything else that makes sense she would hardly want others knowing I had given her so much financial help when she was saying what she did about me, it would have been contradictory to her claims hence the bank loan story.

I know this I had not seen anything in her home when there in Dec 2008 that would account for any large amount of cash, I think she gave most of the money I had given to her to my brother & his wife, if she didn't then I guess the tooth fairy had it, I am not bothered what she did with it more so what she did against me with it. She often bought peoples affections and made out she was so generous of course she was with the cash I had given to her, it all makes sense now.

written on 11th June 2009 edited 21st August 2011

Parenting Guidelines 0-5years

The first 5 years of any childs life are the most important years of them all, how he/she is treated during these first 5 years will shape the adult your child will eventually turn into, the foundations of the personality of your child develops in these early years - how they go on to become a person, adult, parent are formed in these first 5 years. These are also some of the most rewarding years for the parents. Enjoy them, and your child, there are some areas that will need more of your attention than others the following may help you with those areas.  Depending how a child is responded to in the first 5 years is extremely vital to the overall well being, self esteem, confidence, all depend on the first 5 years, everything your child sees in these years will remain in his/her subconscious and turn into either positive or negative attributes of his/her personality.

Birth -6months; Babies cry often but for a reason usually, they need to feel safe, secure, loved, well fed, attended to, it is not possible to spoil a Baby under 6 months old.


Crying;  babies cry for 1 of 4 main reasons, theyre hungry, theyre cold/wet, they feel insecure/lonely, theyre in pain, check all areas if baby cries a lot, does baby have wind, teething pains, too tight clothes, not enough room, no stimulation, is baby cold, too hot, in wet clothes, dirty nappy, been sick. need to be winded. Whilst its not good to ignore your baby, its also not a good idea to pick them up at every whimper, youll soon learn which tone of crying is for which area, if you pick them up as soon as they whimper they will soon come to expect you to drop everything at the slightest sound they make, let baby cry for say 3-4 cries then pick them up check nappy etc,  if all is fine they can go back in to their crib or pram and be allowed to cry a while, not too long, no more than say 2-3 minutes, rock the pram or crib this often helps them drop off to sleep, or play some soft background music, whale music is great for soothing crabby babies, theyll usually drop back off to sleep, perhaps they just want a cuddle or to hear your voice. Please note; a Baby left to cry for too long it will develope abandonment/rejection issues as an adult.


Babies can see at birth; so always look right at your baby smile at them talk to them soothe them sing to them, rock them, during feeds talk to baby, make sure you thoroughly wind them even breast fed babies, all will need to be winded, top and tail wash them in morning, and again after feeds, bathe them in evening before bedtime, always put clean dry clothes on them, and change them if theyre sick on themselves. Dont over dress, too many clothes or under dress too little, during first 4-6 weeks expect to get little sleep, and be prepared to feed on demand or 3 hourly, getting into a routine helps both you and baby, at about 4-6 weeks old baby becomes more alert to stimulation, they will follow you with their eyes. Their cry also changes from newborn to baby,  baby starts noticing their surroundings more also what gets your attention.  


Anytime from 4 months they learn to sit up usually supported at first, if you lay Baby on the floorhe will be able to move around and also lift their head and raise themselves up on the hands. About 6 months some  Babies start to crawl, Never leave your baby unattended in the bath on the bed sofa or floor for a second, always make sure you can see them. They start to chuckle, or laugh roughly at age 4-6 months or a little later. 6 months:  they fill out need bigger clothes, less feeds, can stay awake all morning or afternoon, plenty of stimulation in these first months helps baby to learn faster, and develop their senses too. Teething is usually under way by time Baby is 6months old,  Most are sleeping all through the night at 6 months too.


Grand Parents, Dads & Siblings;  - Let Grand Parents take over once a week for a few hours at least so you can pamper yourself. Also involve other children in helping you with Baby, Grandparents too need to be included, let your baby go to their home for a few hours each week. Or ask them to babysit so you can go out for the evening with your husband or partner. Also include Dads in evenings or times when he is at home, dont push him out, he played his part in the creation of your baby too, let him help out at bath times bedtime, all areas. Siblings will want to help you, so let them, dont stop them from bonding with Baby, supervise them when they hold baby, allow them to help at bath time, also try to find some time to spend with any older children, so that they wont end up feeling pushed out, include them in the daily routine, tell them Mummy will need to be shared now and that new baby doesnt mean you dont love them, give them a doll so they can mimic you, girl or boy, dolls are OK for either. - Including your older children will be beneficial to you and them, if you dont include them this could lead to resentment and aggression from your older child in the future. Toddlers love to help mummy do cleaning so give them a duster and let them " help" keep them busy and occupied whilst helping them learn, Its also good to give all children some chores to do, like tidying their room, picking up toys, putting clothes in wash, never tell them no if they want to help you unless doing something hazardous.

6 months - 1 year;  so much is happening with your baby in this time frame, your baby will learn to walk, talk, laugh, run, play, share, squabble, fight, dance, jump, plus a whole array of others skills will be learned in this time frame. Always encourage you child to share, be nice to and play with other babies/children of similar ages, by the time baby is 1 year old he /she will be showing signs of independence and of having a mind of their own, he/she will also take their first steps somewhere around this age, if your baby does something like take first steps,  praise him /her, tell them how clever they are and make a fuss of them, cheer, clap any signs of encouragement will be well received. Have a party for the 1st Birthday invite any little playmates. At each and every stage of your babies development make something special of the event or achievement praise will really help your baby excel, also if your baby takes longer over some milestone such as walking dont fret about this or try to force baby before hes ready, just so he will be equal to another persons child of the same age, your baby will do things at his own pace, no two babies will be the same in how they learn, but in your encouraging and praising your babies achievements youll be helping them to develope confidence and self esteem.

Anything from 1 year old is the time you want to start teaching them what no means, be consistent dont waver, dont say no then change your mind, or yes and then say no, you have to set boundaries for your child and stick to them, if your child refuses to take any notice of you when you tell him/her no, then start your discipline routine.  I always used the chair, I would tell my son no, once , twice would also contain a warning, 3rd time that was it, he went into the chair and was excluded from all family activity until such time as he said sorry, this could be any thing from 1- 5 minutes, but he wasnt allowed out of the chair to join in until he said sorry, I persevered he soon caught on, at about age 2 I began to tell him why he was being put in the chair in more detail and also told him it was because he had been naughty.  I wouldnt encourage chastising them by say bed with no tea or something like this, food isnt a reward and cant be used as punishment, food is a necessity, treats can be stopped as a punishment, but whatever way you decide to discipline/punish/chastise your child stick with it, always. Tell them what they have done that is/was naughty and why if possible. I found that by being firm but fair I got results. I never gave in, hard as that was at times, I knew if I did that once then that would be it small children are crafty, if they get same response enough times theyll learn, it may take a while but you have to let them know youre the boss and there are rules too, but not by shouting or screaming at them or hitting them, that just teaches them to shout and scream back. The tone of your voice can help them learn. Expect some tears when you discipline them and tantrums, stamped feet, screaming, pleading, theyll use every trick, ignore them, theyll possible strike out at you, ignore this too name calling, ignore it, screams ignore, threats ignore, theyll soon realise you mean what you say, but you must be consistent at all times, If you arent this will confuse them and theyll become even harder to handle.


2 year olds;  Often referrred to as the terrible two`s, this is because they are coming into their own at this age, they also see themselves as the centre of their own universe. They will often have opportunities to interact with others of same age let them it will be beneficial to their development,  you will discover they can be quite competitive they can show signs of liking, or disliking, another child, they will fight, kiss, slap, bite, hug, dance with, and all sorts of other interaction skills are beginning to form, at this age you can help them to learn to share, be kind, friendly etc, they will also have a sense of theirs, and may not want to let go another childs toy, youll have to gently but firmly remove the toy from their grip, saying thank you and good girl or boy, and give it back to its owner.  Expect tears, stamped feet, tantrums, screams, and more, to avoid this you can teach your child to share with say siblings, other children of same age, if you dont encourage your child to share though you could end up having some real issues, and an upset and angry child.

Potty time; Children cannot control their bladder until they are 2 years old give or take a month or 2, although some have been known to be out of nappies much earlier, that I would think was either luck or reflex action to the coldness or hardness of a potty, so if your toddler is still wearing a nappy start to teach them to use a potty after theyre 2 years old, dont force them into it its not a race, mine wore his potty, beat it like a drum, everything but sit on it, but then one time he watched his Daddy and from then onwards he wanted to do his peepee in the big daddy pot, within 6 months he was out of nappies day and night, also put training pants on them at first, make a fuss of them if they aim in to the pot tell them how clever big and special they are make it a celebration.

Nursery school age 3-4 children can go to nursery school for so many hours each day usually mornings, its hard to let your baby 3 year old go but go he/she must its great and invaluable for them to learn about being without Mum being with other children their age, being independent, having an organised environment and more, it really does prepare them for Infants school.

Teach your toddler his name address and phone number, start doing this when he/she is about 2 years old, they might not be able to remember it to begin with, so you will need to keep at it, this could prove invaluable should you and your child become separated whilst out shopping or something. We cant be with our children 24/7 and as any parent knows children can be so fast, it may only take a seconds distraction for your child to wander off or be abducted, or similar, so in teaching them their address  and phone number and to always inform you of where they are going and with whom you could be helping to save them from something nasty.

Teach your toddlers that they are always stay within the sight of a grown up if theyre out on a pre school outing, also to stay with all other children in the group, so that theyre not on their own. Its a bad world out there and perverts lurk in all areas where kids may be found or not found even, but mostly in areas children frequent, its not always strangers who take them off and hurt them.


Another piece of useful advice is always know where your child is at all times, also who he is with and their address phone number etc,check its a valid address and phone number too, you take them to the place and you go collect them, dont rely on another person to do this, or to be alone with your child, also ask the person to phone you if your child isnt where they are supposed to be, or if he/she isnt spotted for say 2 minutes or even less.

edited 17/8/2011 mariapike ©

Try To Be A Good Parent.

If take your role as a parent seriously, and therefore  want to bring your child up to become law abiding, respectful, compassionate, considerate, caring, adult, who in time will go on to choose for themselves a life partner,  eventually becoming parents themselves one day.  You need to know that if children are to become worthwhile adults then it is the Parents who need to teach them how to be worthwhile, you need to lead by example, youll need to allow your children space to be themselves and to channel them in the right direction in every area of their growth, you need to love them listen to them, teach them life skills, you must accept that they may be your children by way of you being the parent however that does not mean you own them, far from it, they are their own persons, and will become whatever type of adult because of the way they see you acting with others, how you teach is by example.  

Theyre Little Adults.

All children need to learn about boundaries, they need consistency, structure, they need to know that to live in the world one day as an adult they will need to be aware of the unwritten rules there are that will make their transition from child to adult relatively painless if they can accept that every other living breathing person on this planet is equal to themselves in all aspects no matter what, as such is entitled to be treated with the same amount of respect and consideration as they are at all times, teach your child to be well mannered and respect authority, and also that in saying "please & thank you" it shows that they are educated & respectful. As a Parent part of your role is to show/teach your children how to live in the world one day as a responsible adult. This also includes teaching them that sometimes they will encounter the NO word, and why.

You do this by being a responsible adult yourself.

Ensuring they know which way to go, how to make empowered conscious choices, and make decisions that include consideration and thought for others along the way, that whatever they decide you will be supportive and encourage them in all ways, that you will not condemn them if they make a mistake at anytime, you will not place expectations on them, you will not try to live through them.  To accept and realise they are people in their own right, to accept they do need to learn how to live in the world and thats where your parenting skills are invaluable to show them teach them, guide them and love them, also listen to them, allow them to have an opinion, teach them that life has certain rules that they will need to be aware of, that they are to be responsible and to accept the consequences of their choices and actions, good or bad at all times.  By explaining things to them whenever they get it wrong.

Praise them often, criticise rarely.

 
As a Parent also respect your child and let them know that you do, if you want to be respected then  you need to respect your children, they are people not objects they have the right to be heard to choose and to have opinions and hopefully that in your leading them they will go on to make good choices, and become good parents, and responsible loving partners and adults themselves one day in the future.  Therefore you will need to be Positive Parents in order for your children to become Positive Adults, Positive Parenting means you are going to show your children how to go out into the world and enhance it, not make it harder for other humans.  you can and  will do this by guiding them not ordering or demanding, but by loving and guiding them every step of the way until they choose to go it alone.  

By leading by example in every aspect.  

Children arent badly behaved ignorant or disrespectful by choice, theyve watched their parents, and the parents have set them bad examples.
Always want better for your children by following the above guidelines as best you can.

More on Englands Riots

I think those of us who live in UK need to ask, of all this rioting and looting who has benefited over all, its not us the citizens thats for sure. The Police were very against the proposed cuts, yet now they have been given even more powers and no doubt the proposed cuts to them will be scrapped. So Who has gained from these riots??? THE POLICE.

The same Police who stood around and did nothing whilst the youngsters involved were rioting and looting, its been said several times during this last week that when much of the rioting and looting was going on the Police were nowhere to be seen. Why was that I wonder?

I still maintain these kids were subject to some form of mind control - brainwashing. I Do NOT condone whats been done but I think theres a lot more to it than meets the eye.  I also believe its was no accident that these riots started. As well as the Police being given more powers blah blah, theres also the fact that these riots have taken the heat off of them for shooting Mark Duggan, who its been established DID NOT fire at the police at all.

Been doing some research into crowds etc, the following is some of what I found. links included.

Crowd Psychology
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crowd_psychology
Mind Control
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mind_control
Brainwashing
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brainwashing
Collective Behaviour
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collective_behavior

Social scientists have developed theories to explain crowd behavior.

Contagion Theory - the Contagion Theory was formulated by Gustave Le Bon. According to him, crowds exert a hypnotic influence over their members. Shielded by their anonymity, large numbers of people abandon personal responsibility and surrender to the contagious emotions of the crowd. A crowd thus assumes a life of its own, stirring up emotions, and driving people toward irrational, even violent action.

Convergence Theory - whereas the Contagion Theory states that crowds cause people to act in a certain way, Convergence theory states that people who want to act in a certain way come together to form crowds. It asserts that people with similar attributes find other like-minded persons with whom they can release underlying tendencies. People sometimes do things in a crowd that they would not have the courage to do alone because crowds can diffuse responsibility. Crowds, in addition, can intensify a sentiment simply by creating a critical mass of like-minded people.

Emergent-Norm Theory -  crowds begin as collectivities composed of people with mixed interests and motives. Especially in the case of less stable crowds—expressive, acting and protest crowds—norms may be vague and changing, as when one person decides to break the glass windows of a store and others join in and begin looting merchandise.

Flash mobs
A flash mob is a spontaneous gathering of individuals, usually organized in advance through electronic means, that performs a specific, usually peculiar action and then disperses. These actions are often bizarre others have been able to organize and manipulate such large crowds with the help of electronic devices and social networks.  On February 13, 2009, for example, a 22-year-old Facebook user organized a flash mob which temporarily shut down London’s Liverpool Street station.

Riots in the UK.

Riots in the UK.

Englands riots coming to a town near you soon? Police nor the government have any real powers where these kids are concerned, theyve got NO FEAR or RESPECT. It makes one ask are these kids subject to some form of Mind Control, it cant be ruled out.

Birmingham, Wolverhampton, West Bromwich, Salford, Manchester add to this Much of London, Liverpool, & Bristol it would seem its Englands main citys, there have been rumours of Leeds  & Nottingham too.

Whilst I agree its wrong, but how can people expect their kids to have respect for possessions or property when they havent been taught to have respect; they say Respect now has to be earned? surely if everyone is taught to respect each other like it used to be, its a given and if its betrayed yes then it has to be earned.


Parents no longer allowed to smack their children, teachers cant chastise unruly kids. These are also factors.

We are all partially responsible for how the kids of today are, One of a parents roles is to teach your child how to live as an adult in society, this includes teaching them values i.e. respect others themselves elders authority figures. Respect others property/possessions etc.

Its not about being your childs friend. Be their friends by all means, but also be responsible and accept if you dont guide them then they wont know which way is right or wrong so theyll go their own way. Its not rocket science after all.

Poverty and the current economy might be a part of it but like everything else it is just a part. Those involved that have appeared in court were not from poor families, theyve been described as a graphic artist, a university graduate, a youth worker most are of previous good character.

The reason claimed for the outset of the riots.
It would appear Mark Duggan did not fire a gun at the Police, he was killed by a Police bullet to his heart, another shot had hit his arm, again a Police bullet. So whats with Englands Police carrying arms, we dont carry arms here like those in USA do, why didnt they use rubber bullets. With the injuries received it would appear the Police shot to kill, why not aim for his lower body?

Children learn what they live
In the final analysis it is not what you do to your children but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.~ Ann Landers

If children live with CRITICISM
They learn to CONDEMN
If children live with HOSTILITY
They learn to FIGHT
If children live with RIDICULE
They learn to BE SHY
If children live with SHAME
They learn to FEEL GUILTY
If children live with TOLERANCE
They learn to BE PATIENT
If children live with ENCOURAGEMENT
They learn to HAVE CONFIDENCE
If children live with PRAISE
They learn to APPRECIATE
If children live with FAIRNESS
They learn JUSTICE
If children live with SECURITY
They learn to have FAITH
If children live with RESPECT
They learn to be RESPECTFUL.
If children live with APPROVAL
They learn to LIKE THEMSELVES
If children live with ACCEPTANCE and FRIENDSHIP
They learn to FIND LOVE IN THE WORLD

Note that what is said is, ‘if a child lives with`… Children learn more from interactions than being instructed vocally; they learn how to relate with people by the way they see Dad and Mum relate to one another. They also learn from the way Parents treat people they associate with; this is what mainly forms their world view and how they will relate with people. Do the Parents notice a trend of lawlessness about the children of today; like never before children are lawless. The reason for this Parents are unconsciously teaching them; many Parents preach love and respect for humanity to their children, yet they see them treat friends/elders/people in authority, like a piece of trash.

Many children are taught by their Parents to be law abiding, yet Dad won’t put on his seat belt when driving. They also see their Parents engage in unlawful activities. Many Parents preach respect for life, yet will not use the pedestrian crossing when crossing a dual carriageway. Many Parents preach justice, fair play and honesty, yet their children see Bailiffs or Creditors walk into their homes and Parents telling a fantastic lie to save their skin. Many Parents preach equality among humans, yet their children see them hold in disdain people of other colours or cultures. In the end they get confused because there is no correlation between what they are taught and the way their parents live.

There are more opportunities available to kids today than any other previous generation has had; So you don’t need to look far for whom to blame if your children are going hay wire. If you observe, you will discover that men in power and wealth often have children who are lawless too, not just those who live on limited means or close to the poverty line;  They have been taught indirectly that the law is partial and that you can get away with anything. 

God help this World if these children become leaders because they have been groomed not to have respect for other Human Beings. How do you want your children to turn out ? Don’t just vocalize it to them, live it. It’s the way you live that your children will emulate in the long run, not what you try to hammer into them; all we should do is live the life we preach first, and then get it to them.

Everything here applies to every parent on the planet, race, creed, nor social status makes any difference. Its Parents who need to know all this.

If children learn to live with others as Equals
They learn to nurture Equality.

Self Development Articles

An Angel Is Watching Over Me!

©1998 by Nick Arandes

. It took me three days driving to get to my first destination from Los Angeles, CA which was Maryland Heights Missouri. I was performing at the Harra's Hotel and Casino. The next one was in Fairview Heights, Illinois followed by Clinton, Iowa ending up in Urbana, Illinois. From then on I have two days off before I get to my next destination which is Indianapolis, Indiana. I was able to take care of some expenses while I was saving around $50 from every show and sending it to my bank.

As I was driving to Indianapolis on Sunday, about 60 miles away from it and probably 50 yards from a rest stop my car brakes down. Out of all the places I have been driving in cold whether, at night an so forth, the car just quits next to a rest stop which allowed me to pull in and park. Isn't that amazing? It also happened around noon and with two days off before my next performance. "There is an angel watching over me."

I didn't have any credit cards or AAA insurance. All I had was $60 in cash, and an ATM card. I called AAA anyway and they assisted me. I just had to pay the full service rate. The person who picked me up is the owner of the shop where my car was fixed and he not only towed my car to his shop but also drove me to a nearby hotel where I stayed for two days while my car was getting fixed. He didn't charge me anything from that day until the work was done which allowed me to use the $60 for the hotel.

I was told that I was fortunate to have my car fixed there because in Indianapolis for example, it would have cost me probably double due to the fact that city rates are much higher. Since I didn't have all the money he gladly accepted a check which I asked him to hold it for few days until some of the money orders I sent to my account have been received, and he also let me pay him the remaining balance at the end of the week when I get paid for my comedy performance in Indianapolis.

There are a lot of good-hearted people in the world. More than we think! Some may say that life throw curve balls. I say that was not a curve ball, it was a great blessings. I rather have my car brake down during the day, at a rest stop, with plenty of time before my next performance than in the middle of nowhere, at night, with temperatures in the low 30's like they were in all the places I have been during the last five days and no telephone or help. There is an angel watching over me!

Comedy engagements keep showing up and all I can say is, I know who my source and supply is. I will always keep my generous heart even when the circumstances may look tempting to hold on to money. There is plenty to go around and I am just a channel through which money flows freely. All I can say is, "live is exciting!"

Here is my formula for not having things getting to me;

1. I simply trust that everything is working together for my highest good, even when I may not understand why things are happening the way they are.

2. I surrender to the process knowing that there is a divine order orchestrating everything which ultimately will lead me to experience the grandest idea of who I am, thus leading me closer to the manifestation of my dreams.

3. I lovingly detach myself from everything knowing that this is really the key to experiencing peace of mind under any circumstances. This is something I practice as often as I can along with the other principles. Our possessions can be taken away from us but never our character and dignity which is the foundation from which we have built everything. It is very interesting watching things come and go. It is like enjoying our own movie with the awareness that everything is always turning out fine at the end. The key however, is to understand that everything is turning out fine NOW! Every now is the culmination of a scene which if we can step out of judgment, we can see how all the pieces are falling together so perfectly for the enfoldment of our divine movie. The bigger picture. The truth of who we are.

4. Finally, I might be wrong but all I can say is, it works for me. Do what you love in life and do nothing else. I can honestly say that for the last eight years, by doing what I love, I have being able to handle much easier the circumstances that sometimes I have been presented with, such as the one I just described. If I have to sleep in my car as I have done before, maybe twice during those years, while I am driving to the next town, the experience itself can be interpreted as exciting, adventurous or fun! The same experience without having a purpose or a divine mission in life it could be pretty depressing. I am certainly not talking about goals. I am talking about finding whatever it is that drives you, your gift. And share it, give it with love.

What Is Gratitude?

©1997 by Nick Arandes

An attitude of gratitude is really recognition as opposed to a request. It creates a space in our consciousness that allows us to see and recognize our abundance as opposed to the lack, or the illusion of lack perceived by self-imposed limitations.

Our reality is constantly generated by our thoughts. Our interpretation of that reality creates more circumstances that justifies it, therefore, keeping us locked in that particular movie denying us the opportunity to grow.

Being grateful for what we have helps us take some of the energy away from the illusion of limitation and place it on wealth, therefore allowing us to build a new foundation. That is how we experience prosperity and success. Of course, just for clarification purposes, success, as defined in this particular example, is not solely about having money. There are thousands of ways to make money. Legally and illegally. But that does not guarantee fulfillment. I have heard some of the most ignorant remarks like, I do not care if I have bad health, as long as I have plenty of money I am happy. And I am pretty sure you have heard others.

If someone is grateful only when he or she get the things wanted, then that individual have misunderstood gratitude for personal gratification. Not that gratification is bad, but if we have to wait until we receive something in order to be grateful, not only we are ignoring who we are as Spiritual Beings with unlimited resources available to us in this particular moment, but we will always have to have more just to have an excuse to be thankful for.

That creates a problem which is; no matter what the individual have, even when the person thinks that he/she is grateful, pretty soon the individual will need something else to be grateful for, which will make whatever it is that he/she already have, not good enough. As a result of that, that person's whole life is in pursuit of something better. I remember long ago, when I had some projects in the works. I was facing a financial challenge. I only had a box of cereal and some Rice Dream, which is a beverage I sometimes use with my cereal. I pour the cereal in my bowl until it was full. By being grateful for what I had at the moment, allowed me to keep my attention away from the seeming challenge. That small shift in perception helped me to keep my mind clear in order to work with an idea that came through.

Out of the blue, as I put the bowl of cereal down, I get a call from the musical director of my church asking me if I was available the next day to sing a song I have showcased few weeks ago because their singer could not make it. To my surprise, I ended up getting $60. I did not know that performers would receive any kind of financial compensation for performing at my church. Truthfully, being grateful is a way of life. THAT'S ALL! Be thankful for what you have, and let the universe surprise you with its gifts. As my consciousness opens up, allowing the universal flow to express through me, I just keep experiencing more abundance in my life. Do not take my word for it. Try it yourself.

There is nothing to ask for FOR YOUR FATHER KNOWS WHAT YOU NEED BEFORE YOU ASK HIM. [MATTHEW 6:7] All you need to do is be grateful for your dreams and allow them to manifest through you, always remembering that ALL YOUR DREAMS ARE MEANT TO BE FULFILLED!

The Power Of Surrender

©1997 by Nick Arandes

Surrender is a very misunderstood word, especially in a society that is geared towards striving and winning. Surrender does not mean in any way that we are quitting, but that we are allowing our inner desires determine what direction should we take. That is one way of "seeking first the kingdom of heaven and its righteousness, and all of these things will be added on you." [Matthew 6:33]

Some people misunderstand that phrase and they think that all they need to do is sit down and meditate the whole day and all the things they want will spontaneously manifest. Well, that is a possibility, only if the individual have reached the level of awareness that will allow him or her accomplish that task. What is interesting, is that the Masters who have achieved that lever of enlightenment are not even concern with impressing people with material possessions or accomplishments because they have found something far more exciting. They have found a sense of true self. An unexplainable sense of inner peace that can't be explained. It can only be experienced.

Meditation is a part of my life in which by resting my mind I allow the flow of ideas to come through uninterrupted by other thoughts. Then, I act upon those ideas and is amazing the miracles that manifest in my life. When people set goals, which I am not saying that they are bad nor good, all they are doing to a certain degree, is showing their need to be in control. That is why surrendering is a very scary thing for most people, especially when we are told that we are the ones who design our lives. That does not mean that we are not going to get the things we "want," it simply means that we will have to struggle and strive for those things.

When we surrender we are not idle, just the opposite, we sometimes are taking mega action! What happens is that we are so infused doing something we enjoy, not necessarily for the sake of getting anything, but for the sake of serving others, that we loose track of time and space. A musician for example, who loves to play her/his instrument does not want to play for the sake of making money and go home to a pathetic life. If that is his/her true desire, she/he wants to share it with the rest of the world. As a result of that, we can all benefit by the gift of that particular individual. And in return that musician will make $$$. Then you will not only end up acquiring the things you thought will make you happy (goals) but you will end up with a sense of fulfillment that can never be measured by any external material or non-material possession. The same principles apply not only to artists but to all kinds of business as well.

What is your dream? Begin to act upon it NOW! If you do not move in the direction of your dreams, you are denying me and the rest of the world from the blessing of you gift.

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to share my gift with you. Now is time for you to share your gift(s) with the rest of the world always remembering that All Your Dreams Are Meant To Be Fulfilled! because the truth is, Your Were Born To Manifest Miracles!

To Blame Is Not To Change

©1997 by Nick Arandes

We have heard a lot about drawing circumstances in our lives as a way of saying that we are to be blame for all that happens to us. Others say that circumstances do happen at random to us that we have no control over. Well, to say that things happen to us at random, is the same thing as saying that we are powerless therefore we are destine to live whichever life we are experiencing at the moment. On the other hand, blaming ourselves for the circumstances we have generated in our lives leaves us with a sense of frustration or guilt. Guilt because by creating that type of circumstances some people feel they are bad or they have failed, and frustration because they do not even know how or why they have drawn those particular set of events in their lives.

The truth is, nobody is bad or a failure because circumstances have appeared in their lives, regardless of their nature. In order for us to expand in conscious awareness, circumstances are drawn into our lives, not to punish nor to add misery to our existence but to help us grow. And if we are the ones seeking growth, then we are the ones who either consciously or subconsciously draw those experiences in our lives.

The advantage of being able to say that we have drawn a particular circumstance or set of circumstances in our lives gives us the power to change them. Because if we are the ones who created something we also can recreate something else. Otherwise we are at the mercy of some external power which is nothing but an illusion because the greatest power that there is resides deep within ourselves. All we have to do is to recognize it and use it.

To blame is not to change for the following reasons. And individual who takes responsibility simply says, this is what I have created and I choose to create something different. On the other hand, someone who blames is simply saying, "this is my luck, there is nothing I can do about it," and so on. Given the ability to choose, I rather regain my power by taking responsibility for whatever happens in my life.

The question is, how can we go through those challenging moments and maintain a sense of serenity and peace? My answer to that question is to understand that everything is working in divine order for our highest good. I remember during Christmas season, I had to move out of my apartment in order to cut down on my rent because as a performer I was spending a lot of time on the road. I was facing some financial challenges doe to a property that I sold which we found out had a tax debt of $42,000. Thinking I was going to be able to live from the profit of the sale of the property, I didn't book anything for a few months. There I was, no income coming and having to leave my apartment.

Few days before I had to leave the place many situations arise that supported me during that time. A particular storage place was having a Hoyday special cutting their prices in half for the following three months, people with vehicles and equipment helped me move, friends which I have not seen in a while showed up in my life and offered me their place for me to stay, others who were leaving town would ask me to take care of their place, etc. There I was, having no place to call my own, yet my first few days was in a $600,000 house, then it was in a beautiful condo in Santa Cruz, CA for a week, then in a nice apartment in North Hollywood for few weeks. I was living in luxury treated like a king. All because I didn't get caught up in what it was happening. By doing so I was able to keep my awareness in peace therefore drawing, or you may say creating new circumstances that would support me as opposed to disempower me.

The result, I was able to stay in places without having to pay any rent while I was out of work so that when I get back on the road I could save the money for other projects. I could have chosen to blame anything or anyone else for my circumstances, who knows, I might have ended up in that apartment and would have missed all the wonderful experiences I shared with family and friends during the days I spent with them. Or worse, homeless with a grungy attitude so that no one would want to be around me. Regardless of what is going around, there are two things I know, one is that Life is Good! Why, because I am sitting here writing this piece for the world to see. Second, because I have the choice to do otherwise. And last but not least, I am always taken care of, and so are you. Just remember these words by a great master; "look at the birds in the sky, they neither sow nor reap, nor gather into barns, yet your heavenly father takes care of them. Aren't you more important than they are? Oh you of little faith? [Matthew 6:26]

Forgiveness; The Power To Heal

©1997 by Nick Arandes

In a world where the good guy must get rid of the bad guy, where action heroes seems to be the ideal model of justice, and where revenge plays an important part in the lives of people who have suffer some kind of injustice, there is little or no room for forgiveness.

Forgiveness appears to be some kind of a wimpy attitude to take. Yet people do not realize the power behind forgiveness. One of the greatest metaphors I have heard is about getting bitten by a poisonous snake. In the metaphor, the snakebite represents harm someone has done to you, physical or emotional. Yet what kills you is not the snakebite but the venom running through your system. In life, what kills people is not the behavior of others but the resentment and anger people hold inside towards their abuser.

Some religious organizations make you believe that the reason you forgive is so that you can either go to heaven, or just because Jesus said so, etc., not realizing that the act of forgiveness, is really an act of self healing. And even when it appears as thou forgiveness is some kind of a selfish act because you are doing it for yourself; it is really creating a space so that others can experience and feel the love emanating from you. Once the space has been established, others feel safe and therefore cannot attack.

I once heard the story of a great master who spends many years in the forests of the Himalayas. Once they found him, he was surrounded by all kinds of animals ranging form harmless ones such as birds and butterflies to the most ferocious and dangerous like poisonous snakes, lions and tigers. One of the individuals asked him, "Master, aren't you afraid of all this creatures?" And the master lovingly replied, "what are you talking about? All I see is God." The master then went on to say that when an animal ceases to sense hostility, it couldn’t attack.

Another fascinating story was told by the media few months ago, or years, depending on when are you reading this story, ha, ha. Anyway, the story is about a child in Florida who is mentally retarded and his family would take him to a particular pond or river section where he would play. One day, the kid was missing.The army went on to search for the child. When they found him a week later, just before they give up the search, he has walked almost 14 miles of river infested with crocodiles. As a matter of fact, that is a place where the military trains and they even said that they have lost soldiers there.

When the child was brought home, he could not talk, but he was able to identify pictures. When a book was shown to the child he could point out all the things he saw and one of them was plenty of crocodiles. When the Sergeant of the military in charge of the search was asked what kind of explanation he could think of, the Sergeant’s reply was, "there was no fear."

What do all this have to do with forgiveness and healing? Simple. Resentment and anger are forms of fear, while forgiveness is the absence of any kind of fear. It promotes closeness and love. When we are in that space, our body response by creating a sense of balance which promotes healing and well being not only for ourselves, but for the rest of the world.

Positive Thinking (How To Attain It)

©1997 by Nick Arandes

Positive thinking is a very interesting topic because everyone seems to talk about it but few are successful at attaining it. I think the reason is, most people try to teach it at an intellectual level, as if it is something you do by making a conscious choice to be or feel that way all the time. I am not going to deny that we all have the ability to make choices. Then why some of these choices like thinking positive for example, can sometimes be so difficult and mentally exhausting?

Whether our thoughts originate in our mind or somewhere beyond that, it is said that every thought is generated by either memory or desire. The memory of an action, a deed, or an event that we may have done in the past, whether consciously or unconsciously, may trigger a thought that will generate a mental, emotional, and/or physical response. When we have a desire on the other hand, whether it comes from our higher self, ego, or whichever source we want to attribute the desire to, another thought is automatically created which will generate a mental, emotional and/or physical response, just like the thought triggered by memory.

So if that is the nature of out thoughts, then how can we create or for that matter help create thoughts that generate more pleasant responses in our emotional and physical well being? This is an example I use when I speak in front of an audience. I ask a husband in the group, if he were to do something that would hurt his wife feelings, how would he feel. His automatic response is "awful." Then I ask, "how about if you do something that makes your wife feel wonderful, how would you feel?" His response usually is, "I feel great, or good or pleased." Somewhere along those lines. Then I ask, "when you do something good for your wife and she feels great, do you feel like you have to work hard to be positive or to have a good day?" His response is no. That is my point, positive thinking is nothing you have to work hard at it, and it is a natural response. And it is triggered by the good deeds we do for others.

Now lets go to the desire aspect of it. When we have a natural desire to express our truth, to grow, to share our talents and gifts, suppressing those natural desires can create frustration and resentment which will make it literally impossible to achieve a positive attitude. In my own experience, when I went through moments when it appeared as if my life was falling apart, what carried me through was the fact that I was doing what I was guided to do which kept my awareness on purpose. That helped me generate a peace of mind and a positive attitude that not only would draw good things and positive events in my life, also that would help me carry on.

Notice that I mentioned keeping my awareness on purpose. To me it means that I was not doing things for personal gratification but for a much larger vision. Look at it this way; if your passion is to write, writing is your talent, your feel a sense of gratification just by allowing yourself the opportunity to do that which your heart wants to do. Sharing it with others is another reward. By sharing it with others, you are being of service to them. As you can see, in the giving is the receiving. Your service is your receiving even when you are the one being of service. Giving yourself the opportunity to express your gift and to share it with others bring a natural feeling of fulfillment in life that comes across also drawing good things towards you.

Yes, I am not going to deny that it was sometimes challenging sharing this principles while I was going through situations that would appear to be the opposite of what I was trying to demonstrate, but every time that I would find myself facing those types of situations I would remind myself that whatever I was going through, it was simply an opportunity for me to shine, to demonstrate who I really am. Because remember, the only way you can experience yourself as the light, is when you are surrounded by darkness. The key is to remember who you are, for then you can shine your light onto the darkness as opposed to throw in the towel. Neil Donald Walsh the author of "Conversations With God," shares a beautiful parable which illustrated this truth.

So really a positive attitude is not something we attain per se but something we naturally experience as a result of the way we live. The way we carry on through life. Serve others, live your truth, do what you love, use your talents and abilities to create a space for others to feel loved and safe. Make a difference for the world needs and longs for your individual gift(s) which are deep within you ready to be expressed. You do that, and you will no longer need to learn how to think positive. That is something you will become!

A Journey To Consciousness

©1997 by Nick Arandes

Our inner journey to rediscovering who we are, even when it is very fascinating can sometimes appear overwhelming or scary because it challenge us to reevaluate our whole live including our habits, belief systems and everything we have claimed so tenaciously as to be the ultimate truth. Our minds are so used to the way things are that to suggest that there could be another way may seem like a threat, an insult to our intellectualized ideas of how things are or ought to be.

So if the journey is so fascinating, why is it that so many people do not embark on it? There are many answers to that questions which are rooted in the same thing. Fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of failure, sometimes fear of disappointment that the whole time invested in getting to know ourselves may be wasted. The bottom line is, in order for us to experience ourselves as who we really are, spiritual beings who are perfect, whole and complete, we literally have to let go of any idea of who we are not, human beings living in a world which is determined by outer circumstances and events, even when those circumstances and events may be what we have experienced.

Memory and experience is what keeps people trapped in the world as they know it. So how do we shift from the world as we know it to the world we want to experience? The following story will assist me in explaining how we can shift our awareness and why we sometimes experience fear when in truth all we need is to trust.

A Sailor's Tale

A poor sailor wants to discover a new world. A world he has never seen physically but he have dreamed about. The only way he can experience the dream he have envision is through silence. So as he sail out on the ocean, he sits in silence and a peaceful and pleasant smile showers his face as the vision of a new world occupies his mind.

When he shares his vision with others, most people laugh while others do not even bother to listen to him. "Experts" will try to discourage him by letting him know that it is impossible that there could be another world. According to their studies, it is pretty obvious that once you get to what appears to be the edge of the ocean which is what the naked eye can only perceive, there is nothing else.

Somewhere in the sailor's heart, he still wants to follow his vision. By himself, he decides to sail away in search for the Promised Land. He is moving from the known, the "physical," to the unknown, the "consciousness." He does not know what he is going to find. All he knows is that a very quite voice keeps getting louder as he experience more silence. By shutting down the outer world he can connect more deeply with his inner voice that guides him and inspires him.

As he sails farther and farther away, he begins to experience fear and doubt. He still can go back because he have not lost site of the land. This is a very critical point for most people because as we moved to the realm of the spirit, unless we can loose sight of that which we are familiar with, it is very difficult to open ourselves to a new experience. At this point the sailor decides to move on in pure faith and trust. He is in the middle of the ocean where he has lost complete site of land and cannot really point out where he is going. There are times when he experienced fear, worry, or anxiety, and the only way he could avoid those feelings is by going within, by experiencing silence which will bring him back to peace.

In the stillness he begins to develop a sense of trust that will keep him serene as he continues on his journey. Somewhere in the horizon he sees land and he gets real excited. He sails across some of the most beautiful islands until finally he finds himself in the place he has been dreaming off. He not only have gained a sense of inner awareness of who he is, he have also experience wonderful and fascinating places he would not have experienced if he would have listen to what the world dictated was possible or not.

Everyone in the island was drawn to him seeking that inner peace that the sailor was able to maintain. With his knowledge and new awareness, he becomes a spiritual counselor. He is loved and admired by everyone. People brings him food, money, gifts, he becomes the wealthiest and needless to say, the most popular person on the island. The island of his dreams.

As you can see, there is an inner voice that knows the truth and wants us to experience it. While we sail through unknown waters, these are the times when we have to go deeper, which simply gives us the opportunity to really experience the exquisiteness of our soul. And as we see our visions manifest, we develop an inner sense of trust where we no longer fear anything for now we know that the one who planted the seed or the desire in our hearts is always going to be there to assists us in completing the vision.

The interesting part in all of this is that when we truly let go and trust, we may end up doing something completely different than that which we previously thought was going to makes us happy. The sailor didn't know what he would end up doing with his life. All he knew is that he wanted to find that promised land, and as result of listening and trusting, he ended up experiencing love, excitement, fulfillment and wealth beyond his wildest dreams. From a poor sailor to a wealthy spiritual counselor. Who would have thought?

Life Is A Game, Enjoy It!

©1997 by Nick Arandes

For years I have been very confused in regards to financial affairs. I kept trying to spiritualize my life as some metaphysical books say, not realizing that it is all a matter of establishing a balance. We are spiritual beings who have taken human form. So even when our essence is spiritual, we have a responsibility to our humanness. It was given to us, not to be ignored, but to take care of it.

I know we are all miracle makers. That within is the power to manifest anything we desire. But how about if I am not in that place where I can manifest miracles at will, either because this is not my lifetime to do so, or because of karma, or I have not mustered the discipline for me to do so? How can I then still manifest enough resources while keeping my attention on God and also serving my fellow human souls? In that case, I look at it this way. Life is a game. We are all playing it. The key is, how do we play it in such a way that it is not only beneficial to us as well as our fellow human beings, but at the same time we do not neglect our spiritual growth?

There has been so much emphasis in giving and serving when it comes to spiritual books. Unfortunately most of them do not seem to mention how to generate. It looks as thou the books that talk about generating income have been labeled as "non-spiritual." The funny thing about it is that the very same churches that claim that God is our source and supply go to all those "non-spiritual" people who have in order to ask for money. I understand we are here to give and serve. That being the case, should not we have for ourselves so that we can then circulate the goods? Tithing is a perfect example of people who want to take shortcuts towards wealth. Here is the dilemma. There are some who tithe and seems to be blessed with more. The there are some people whom even though they tithe, they seem to always stay barely a float. Yet there are others who do not give at all and have plenty. Most churches say that you should always tithe so that you are blessed with more. For and individual who is struggling that seems to be a very tough things to do because even when he or she wants to really give, somewhere back in his/her mind, the individual is doing it out of hope that more will be received in return. Then when they don't seem to receive money back and his/her financial situation worsen, the churches justify it saying that you can not bargain with God. That your gift must be unconditional.

Interesting enough, when you talk to the ones who seem to have plenty, whether they tithe or not, what they have is a consciousness of wealth. And it comes as a result of knowing how to generate. So you can either A): Learn how to develop the consciousness first so that the Universe supports you’re believe about yourself which is what metaphysics is all about, or B): learn how to generate on a pure physical level so that your consciousness can be developed as a result of the fruits of your labor. It is simply a matter of choice. Now, understand the dynamics here. In order to generate, you provide a service. In a way, the spiritual dynamics of giving and serving are the same. First you give of your talents, service, knowledge, etc., and in return you receive. So the key, whether physical or metaphysical, is consciousness. Because even if I do what I enjoy, if I don't have the consciousness that allows myself to receive, it is kind of giving things away. And there are plenty of people who will take so you have to learn how to differentiate. It all of the sudden becomes and outflow instead of a circulation. So if I give all I have without receiving back, how can I recharge in order to give more.

For someone who lives in a cave and just want to develop his or her connection with God without any external distractions, generating may not be a great concern for she/he is not concerned with the affairs of the body. But for the ones who live in a society where resources needs to be exchange, if it makes sense to lovingly give, it also makes sense the lovingly receive whether is by a way of gift or exchange. Now, if we want to be able to generate filled with happiness and joy, then maybe we should learn how do so while doing something we love. Either that or just learn to love whatever is you are doing. It is certainly much easier to do what you enjoy than to try to love that which you do not enjoy. The difference is, if you have the ability to learn to love whatever you are doing, you are free of ego attachment. On the other hand, if you cannot enjoy whatever is you are doing, maybe there may be and ego investment in the affairs of the body or you should be doing something else. Confusing isn't it. For me, I rather do what I love. That doesn't mean that there have been times where I have done something different just to supplement my immediate income. If it is something temporary while I am moving in the direction of my dreams, it is easy for me to keep a positive and loving attitude.

What is important is not to make this a money issue, but to be able to understand that we are playing a game that we collectively have created. Even if we are not the ones who created the rules, at least we are certainly playing by them. So if we pay taxes, our electric bills, mortgages and so forth, we must learn how to generate so that we can take care of those expenses. If we can manifest the money at will so that the bills can be paid, which we certainly have the capability of doing, then we don't need to be concerned with learning how to generate it in any external way. But if we do not have developed the discipline to do so, then, there are other choices. It is also important to understand that the game have nothing to do with who we are, it is just something that makes human life more interesting.

Now, the game is not really that difficult. Over and over again I have seen how the Universe have provided me with enough resources. But I have also seen how much stress I have been through by not having enough sometimes to take care of my human affairs. I understand that stress is something I create by simply interpreting a situation in a certain way. But even when I know that conceptually, it seems easier to deal with it when my human affairs are taken care of. Once again, I believe it is a matter of establishing a healthy balance. I don't know if I am supposed to be a jogy or a swami in this lifetime. Maybe I am supposed to simply bring a loving consciousness into every move I make that I certainly believe we should all do. Because ultimately, whatever move we make affects all of us for we are all one.

Now the question you may ask yourself is, how do I do what I love while I'm caught up in the middle of this game where I need to take care of my bills and so forth? My answer is simple. Take some time from your busy schedule and dedicate it to learn and do the things that brings you joy. Then as the ideas flow, make a priority to put them into practice. If there are things in your current schedule that are not allowing you to follow through with some of your ideas, then look at things and activities in your life which you feel are no longer useful and let them go. That opens more time and space for your desires to take shape and form. Remember, every time you take one step towards the realizations of your dreams, God takes ten. Basically what we are doing is tilting the scale from one extreme to the other. Eventually comes a point where a decision will have to be made. Where you may either have to change careers or follow through with whatever you have started. That is when you will need to be anchored in faith. But believe me, you will have seen so many manifestations of the power and presence of the Almighty within you along the process, that you wont have much reason to doubt.

Before I became a stand-up comedian, I used to work for the phone company making a decent living. That was just temporary because I knew that I had a different agenda, even thou I have been there for almost three and a half years. Before that, I use to work at a factory making around $12/hour not including overtime which believe me was plenty, and I quit to go to the phone company starting at $6/hour. Why? Because I didn't like what I was doing. It was time for me to change. After three years working on my act in comedy clubs and sometimes having the chance to go out on the road for weekends at a time, it was time for me to commit to my vision. I have booked three weeks in a row that I knew that would force me to quit my job. I didn't mind. I was not happy doing what I was doing anyway and it was time to make the move. Two weeks before my road trip I get laid off from the company, meaning that I was still able to keep my health insurance for the next six months. Isn't God wonderful! Since then, I have not had a regular job. I had peaks and valleys like we all do, but I tell you this, every valley is always followed by a higher pick. This is not to say to you, quit what you are doing right away and do what you enjoy. That may be unwise. Off course, if you truly believe that you will be taken care off, then go ahead. It is written, "It will be done according to your faith." All I'm saying is, take little steps. Like the ancient proverb says; "The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step."

Remember, Self-realization is our ultimate goal, but while the game is going on, be of service to the world through the use your gifts and talents. That way, not only will you experience more joy and fulfillment in your life, you will also be benefiting mankind. Understand that what I do for you, I do for me. And what you do for me, you do for you. Why? Because there is no you and me. We are just "I."

How To Reach A Peaceful State Of Mind

1997 by Nick Arandes

A lot of people seem to have a hard time finding peace in the myth of all the things that happen in their lives. There are three key words in order to reach a peaceful state of mind. Trust, surrender and detachment. Trust simply recognizes the fact that regardless of circumstances, everything is working in divine order for our highest good. Sometimes it is very difficult to recognize this fact, especially while we face challenges.

Most of the time what we perceive as challenges, are simply opportunities for us to grow. They are nothing but blessings in disguised because if it weren't for those particular circumstances, we would not have attained higher levels of awareness. For example, and individual who looses his/her job find himself/herself later on in life doing something far more rewarding and fulfilling, and in most cases more lucrative. That been the case, was loosing a curse or a blessing? How about the individual who develops a physical imbalance that force him/her to be more loving, forgiving, adventurous, allowing him/her to experience more out of live that otherwise would not have experienced, and as a result of his/her experience the imbalance disappear. The truth is, everything in life happens in divine order according to natural law that is generated by our thoughts.

To most people this is very hard to believe because they do not want to accept the fact that they have brought upon themselves the very circumstances that create their reality. So the loss of a job may have been triggered by the fact that the individual wanted to do something else but was afraid to leave that particular line of work. Same with the physical imbalance which in most cases, that is why diseases are created. They could be use as an excuse to give up, or may help us listen to the request of our souls. Listening to our soul's request is the same as trusting our inner guidance. In seeking to know ourselves, to communicate with our divine presence is the same as what Jesus reminds us when saying, but strive first for the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." [Matthew 6:33]

The second key for achieving peace of mind is called surrender. This can be difficult for most people to practice, especially when we have been taught since birth that we need to be in control. People pay thousands of dollars to motivational speakers to reinforce the idea that we have to take charge, we must set goals, we must decided how and when things are going to happen at any cost. Yet the result of such struggle can lead to health problems derived from stress, not to mention the fact that our infinite potential is limited by our preconceived ideas of what we think we can achieve.

Surrender has nothing to do with giving up. It simply states that our requests are being answered. And that the universe has ways to make our dreams come true in ways far more extraordinary than we could ever think of. When we look at nature, we realize that everything is always working in divine order and without any effort. There is never a mistake. Some may say, if everything in nature works so perfectly, then why human beings can't experience the same perfection? Because we have been given free choice. The universe always gives us suggestions through our inner desires and intuition often to be ignored by our own plans. By our idea of how things ought to be. By our need to be in control.

God will never deny our request regardless of how limited it may be because whatever we want for ourselves we can manifest. But to experience nonresistance and effortless accomplishments, we must surrender to the will of the Universe who only wants for us nothing but the best for we are the beloved children of the Creator who wants us to have it all. As Jesus reminds us, "it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom."

Finally, the last key for achieving peace of mind is detachment. Not only implies detachment to any particular result of outcome, but also to any particular thing, opinion, etc. Detachment from a particular outcome is pretty much the same as surrendering and trust, where we move in the direction of our dreams with a sense of peace and understanding that everything is unfolding in divine order, therefore allowing us to enjoy each present moment knowing that our requests are being answered. That also adds excitement to our lives because in not knowing how things are going to manifest is like a kid who knows his present is under the Christmas tree but doesn't know in which box is located. It adds mystery, fun and excitement to life.

Detachment to a particular thing is a little different. It means to let go of any material possession understanding that wherever that came from, there is plenty. It allows us to cultivate the awareness that there is enough, as well as understanding that when it is time for something to no longer be part of our lives, it is simply creating the space for something far much greater to enter. The letting go of the house may lead to the acquisition of a mansion. The letting go of a wardrobe may lead to a much finer one. And when we achieve higher levels of awareness, some of those things will no longer be of great importance. We can still have them, but they won't make any difference because we have achieve a state that is so grandeur that nothing on the material realm can lead you to that experience. So in not having to hang on to anything, allows us to experience peace all the time because in life we came here with nothing and that is how we will move to the next dimension. Jesus reminds us of this truth when he said, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. [Matthew 6:19:20:21]

Trust your inner guidance, detach yourself from any outcomes and things and surrender to the process while enjoy each present moment. Not only you will experience more joy and abundance than ever before but also you will experience true peace of mind.

Children Aren't The Future, We Are

©1997 by Nick Arandes

There is an old story about a lady that during thanksgiving used to cook half of the turkey and throws the other half away. Her husband curiously asked her why she did that and her answer was, "because my mother use to do it that way." He then decided to ask her mother and her mother's reply was the same. So he goes to his wife's grandmother and the grandmother said, "because back then the oven was so small I could not fit the whole thing."

There is a vicious circle that has been passed along from generation to generation, and each generation has the ability to brake it and initiate a new one based on true principles as opposed to old ideas. For centuries we have seen the consequences of war and yet countries develop more sophisticated weapons thinking that they are creating peace when in reality all that they are doing is creating more sophisticated wars.

Mahatma Gandhi was able to break the circle with the idea that love can diffuse all barriers. The result was a liberation of a country, yet a lot of countries have chosen to recreate history based on old ideas. In other words they are still cooking half of the turkey. Instead of accepting responsibility they will simply pass the recipe along without question just so they have someone to blame if things don't get better.

In the past we could get away with lying to children or hiding information from them. Now with all the information available not only children can't be fooled, but if we do not become true examples for them they will seek answers somewhere else that may lead to self destructive behavior.

When children get involved in drugs or suicide, it is easy to say that musicians and artists are the ones influencing them and not the parent who didn't have time for them. Or the authoritative parent who instead of honoring his/her child individuality wanted to make him or her a photocopy of the parent idea of what the child should be. Then the child rebels and people wonder why the child adopted that kind of behavior.

We do not influence our children by becoming teachers but by becoming examples. That does not mean you want them to be just like you are for they have the right to live and design their own lives. But we can certainly show them what is like to be happy, loved, fulfilled, considerate, forgiving, compassionate, giving, and so forth, for these are the principles behind a healthy environment. And we can't teach any of these principles, we can only demonstrate them.

Career choice, relationships, etc., are decisions that the child must find for herself/himself. The foundation thou, is what we are seeking to be an example of. That is why my writings are all based on personal experience. As I grow and expand in the physical realm as well as in consciousness, I have found that the greatest joy in life is not in the acquisition of things but in the loving, sharing, helping and the like. And all of it is very related in doing what I love. When people can honestly start doing the things that makes them happy, they will no longer feel as thou they have to impose anything upon others for they will have the experience of what is like to live life to the fullest.

I have found out that by experiencing fulfillment in my life, I have a natural urge to share with others and help others experience the same. When you feel a sense of completeness, the last thing you can be is selfish. Noticed that completeness have nothing to do with having stuff. Some of the people who have a lot of stuff they are filled with fear of loosing it. I think feeling a sense of completeness is more like a recognition of who we are, and the universe simply supports our idea by providing us with all of the things we need.

That is why I am a firm believer in doing what I love. And I can honestly say that in doing so, miracles, if you choose to call them that, keep increasing in my life. A wonderful story was told to me by a fellow comedian about five years ago. He is a believer in never saying I wish but to always declare what you desire and do something about it. One day, as he is watching television with his family a juggler appeared on the screen. My friend Mickey said to himself, "I wish I could juggle." His ten year old at the time replied, "Dad, didn't you always said not to say I wish?" Mickey, a little embarrassed but realizing what he have just said picks up three tennis balls and tells his family that he is not coming out of the baseman until he can juggle.

Mickey begins to practice for about five or six hours nonstop. He finally comes out of the baseman and calls the family to the living room. He was not an expert, but he was able to juggle the three tennis balls. From then on, every time anyone of his children would say I wish, his father would reply by simply moving his hands as if he was juggling without having to say a single word. As you can see, actions are far more powerful than words. Not only so, but Mickey has gained two things with that example, first; the respect of his children, and second; the ability to juggle, something he has always dreamed of.

So do what you love and two things will happen. First, you will gain the respect of your family and friends, helping being an example for others to be influenced by, which on a larger scale will help create a world filled with love, peace and happiness. And second; your personal dreams and desires will be manifested. Pretty good deal ha! So what are you waiting for