Wednesday 24 August 2011

My Story Of Parental Abuse

My Story

The following is a composition of numerous events in my life where I now have discovered I was abused by my late Mother, Physically, Emotionally and Verbally.

"My mother was controlling, manipulative, attention and sympathy seeking, she would say things to others about me that were just down right lies, as a child she would lock me in a dark cupboard and leave me there for hours, she would often hit me, she beat me with a broom, her shoes and fists. After I left home she resorted to other forms of cruelty, emotional violence, one year on my birthday she openly told me she hated me and had spent her entire life trying to destroy me, even just before her death she orchestrated things to ensure I was to become an outcast to other family members, she would say one thing to me and something entirely different to others, for years I blamed myself and believed I must be a bad Daughter, I now know that's not true, I didn't have the problem my mother did, now she is dead I am finally free."

Read on.....
(in brackets are my approx age at time)

I had no idea I was an abused child let alone adult, I know that all through my life for as long as I can remember I had a very on/off relationship with my late mother until her death in April 09. I kept most of what she had done to me and how she had treated me cruelly to myself, however as a result of what I have learned since her death I have now decided to put my side of the story out there, I know the truth and the following is it.

My mother locked me (age 3+) in a cupboard under the stairs, I was at that time an only child living with my parents, I only had to look at my mum wrong and she would then drag me off screaming no mummy please don't please Ill be good, but she just ignored me and put me in the cupboard, I would scream and cry and plead with her to let me out and promise her anything she didn't once relent, however she did always allow me out in good time before my Dad was due home, he never noticed Id been crying or if he did she made up some tale about me having fallen over or done something so she had smacked me, I never told him she put me in the cupboard because I was too afraid she would put me in it again for telling him, to this day I don't think he knows I kept out of her way most of the time through fear of the cupboard, this continued until I was 5 or 6 yrs old.

My Mum would also leave me in the house alone for hours saying she was going to my Granny's house and told me not to go outside or try to get out if I did she would put me in the cupboard, I would spend the time looking out the window waiting for her to come back, I know I was scared and frightened being on my own, she used to get on a motorbike just down from where we lived, out of sight of my other Granny's house, whether she went to my Granny's or not I never asked, somehow now I think the man on the motorbike was probably another of her lovers, she had plenty of those through the years, I'm even thinking that could have also been behind her putting me in the cupboard, it would certainly make sense for her not being bothered by my pleas to be let out if she wasn't there she wouldn't have heard them.

Right from when a small child (age 6/7) I had been considered the "black sheep" of the family, my younger sister and brother could do no wrong, on the other hand I could do no right, I had also been thrust into the role of eldest child due to my older brother being adopted at age 7, he was born before my mother got married and had a different father to my sister and I. I wasn't a model obedient child by any means, I often got up to naughty things child like but considered naughty, my Mothers youngest brother used to get me to steal things for him from my Grampys bedroom, I was often unable to get back out the way I had gone in through the window, because my Uncle and his friend disappeared as soon as I had given them what they wanted, this meant I got caught in my Grandparents bedroom more than once. I got into trouble for that often, I didn't realise that I was stealing the things I didn't consider it stealing but of course it was. I also remember a time when a friend and myself (aged 8-9) decided to go carol singing we collected a lot of money or so it seemed to us, my Granny caught us took the money from us both and marched me home of course it did my reputation as being bad no good.

I was age 9/10 when Mum hit me with the broom, I went to school and was called into the headmasters office and asked lots of questions, I discovered I had green stick fractures in both of my arms where I had put them up to cover my face and head, I didn't let on Mum had done it for fear of more of the same. Mum used to often beat me about the head and body where there would not be any marks or none visible, most of the time I had no idea of what I was supposed to have done wrong if anything, Mum would hit me for no reason and any reason, I mean hit me in the adult sense often it would be about the head with her fists, I often had lumps on my head under the hair. Even if I had not done a thing wrong I was still blamed so in the end I gave up trying to protest my innocence, I knew that I wouldn't be believed no matter what it was.

When a child whilst all others of my age were out playing, (age 9/10+) doing what children do I was not allowed out unless I took my younger sister with me, then along came my brother so then I had to take them both with me on the rare occasion I was allowed out. Not long after my brother was born I aged 12 was left to change him, bathe him, feed him, dress him and to put him to bed, I did same with my sister too, my brother and sister being 7 and 12 years younger than myself, I did this right up until I was at least 16.
I also did all of the cooking and cleaning, washing, etc, things my mother should have been doing, I was doing from about age 9 onwards.

Both of my parents worked so it was left to me to get my siblings up and ready for school and the childminder, which I did for several years until my younger brother was approx 4/5 years old that's when I left home. Until this time from when my brother was born I had been his primary caregiver, I taught him how to dress himself how to tie his shoes tell the time and other things usually catered for by a child's mother, I even took him for his first day at school.

My Parents separated when I was 16.

I left my mothers home aged 16, having arrived home late (about 30min) one evening I noticed the house was in total darkness I went inside as I did my Mother started to hit me about my head and body with her stiletto heeled shoes, she had been laying in wait for me. The very next day as soon as I had a chance to get out of the house I ran all the way to where my Dad was living, I never returned to live with my mother after that day.

I escaped the physical violence at age 16. Mum moved to another town when I was 19 so I didn't see much of her after that.

In 1990 my sister died, that's roughly when the emotional abuse started, a few years before my sister died my mum told me she had a heart attack, then not long afterwards a triple heart bypass operation, so I began to contact her on a more regular basis thinking she could possibly drop down dead at any minute, I also discovered my sister had been told I hated her, I don't hate anyone not even my mother not even now.

(Mum lied about her so say Heart condition for over 20 years, I found out it was all lies on 17/4/2009)

The year of my Sisters death my ex stabbed me, a few months later I heard that my ex had been to visit my mum and that she had agreed with some things he had said practically condoning his actions. At about the same time my mum was running a cleaning job in some offices, a male friend of mine began working with her whilst they were working my mum said terrible things about me, that I was a liar, untrustworthy, had loose morals that I was mentally sick, at roughly same time I would get phone calls saying she was ill and most of the time I dropped everything to go see her.

Some days I would spend all morning on the phone with her on one such day, she wanted me to go to see her so I went, she was actually in bed with the flu that time, so I stayed there for 1 or 2 nights whilst there I came across a letter she had written to a friend of hers, I spotted my name so I read it the letter was one long whinge from her about what a callous and uncaring heartless person I so say was how I would lie to her cheat her out of money and god alone knows what else she caught me reading it, so I asked her why was she saying those things about me that they were all unfounded, she became angry and violent and went to lash out at me, I held her off when she calmed down I let her go, I asked her why do you dislike me so much, to this she said I hate you I've always hated you and I've spent all my life trying to destroy you that day also happened to be my Birthday.

Although it shocked me to hear her say this it was something I had felt deep inside me for a long time, I left and had no more contact with her after that for over 18 months, at the time I had £3 to my name and about half tank petrol and I was living approx 60 miles away. It took me years to accept that a Mother could hate her own child. I went to see her some 18 months later and we patched our differences, from then (1994) we had a fairly civilised relationship as far as it goes, although we still had the odd spells of falling out and no contact things went on in this way until May 2008.

She started to phone me often asking me if I could lend her say £100 this was becoming a regular occurrence, one day she rang me in tears saying she was going to have the bailiffs at her door if she didn't pay off her catalogue, for goods my younger brother (allegedly) had from her catalogue, he had not been making payments for them, I was suspicious about her story so I asked her to let me know who to make a cheque payable to I sent over a cheque for the full amount to clear up the whole debt, £750 approx, I suggested in future not to bother with mail order catalogues. I continued giving her £500 here and there, I gave her money to go away on holiday £1000 , this continued up to Xmas 2007, her birthday in the January (2008) I gave her another £500. She had by this time started expecting me to give her money.

The final time of us having a no contact phase happened in 2008 I had been giving her lots of cash my finances were good so I would often give her £500 here or there I paid her phone bills, took her cigarettes and money every time I saw her, she soon latched on to me then, at first I was happy to give her a few hundred here and there, I would estimate I gave her £5000 over some 3-4 years, I didn't once ask her what she had done with any of it. In May 2008 she rang me and was dropping hints about how she had no money, however by then I had wised up so I told her I couldn't help her out, upon hearing me say I couldn't help her out she said well you're no good then and hung up. From then I stopped contacting her until early December 2008, I rang her and we were OK again however she kept saying if you come over at Xmas be nice be good, which puzzled me so I asked her what she meant, She never gave any logical or straight answer.

I wasn't asked if I wanted to go to her place for Xmas Eve she just took it for granted that I would.

About 2 weeks or so before Xmas I went over to see her, she told me that my younger brother had again had some goods from her catalogue, value (£1000+) a cousin of mine was there when she made this claim. She again started on about be nice be good, I said to her Mum what are you on about why do you keep saying be nice be good to me I am not bad friends with anyone I don't have a problem with any of the family, then it started to dawn on me she was saying that because she had been telling lies again, to some family members namely my 3 cousins who had no reason to not believe her, until then I got on well with all of my family apart from one Uncle.

One evening about a week later I popped over to see her, (to take her 200 cigarettes) she was alone, she came out with the be nice be good line again this time I wasn't going to let it go, then she came out with some total fairy story claiming that myself and a friend had years beforehand robbed old age pensioners, apparently we waited outside post offices for them to get their pensions, and once they had we then robbed them WTF! I think she had told my cousins this complete and utter bare faced lie, she may have even added that she was scared I would do the same to her.

Her claims of my so say robbing pensioners had no connection to her saying be nice be good, in her saying this she had given herself away, and inadvertently told me what she had been telling others, I didn't however realise this until later hindsight is always 20/20!

I told her that she was wrong in saying I had robbed pensioners, that it was a total and wicked load of lies which she knew, I could tell by her reaction and how she didn't try to dispute it when I said it was completely untrue, of course though that was to me, now though I'm sure she claimed I got angry or violent towards her when she relayed the nights events to my cousins or any other family members the next day. I shudder to think what other outlandish tales she told others about me this was one such tale I wouldn't put anything past her now.

On this same occasion I also took across a piece I had written about her life to be included on a family history website Ive created, when she read it she became extremely angry then turned on the tears, and went on to say that what I had written others were not aware of and knew nothing about her past etc, she was really angry violently so I am sure if she could have got to me she would have hit me, the tears of course led me to believe she was upset so I apologised and told her I wouldn't add it to the website, which I didn't. What I had written though was just the truth.

I had unknowingly exposed her and all of her secrets, she had been telling others how good and kind she was and there in black and white was the truth about her, her misdeeds and lies were laid bare right in front of her eyes she threw me one evil look, I had done the one thing I should never ever have done I had the means to expose her, and she was going to do something to ensure I could never ever reveal what I knew to any other family member and that's what she has done.

I didn't get a Birthday or Christmas Card from her that year (08)

Also at Xmas 2008 myself and 1 of my brothers had given money to my mother for her to get what she wanted by way of Xmas gifts, (she always wanted money) I could afford to do this, however my Brother was struggling financially so I guess he would have found it harder to give her money. My Mother and My Husband were in the kitchen my niece joined them, my H carried on making tea my Mum was talking to K my H overheard my mum telling K that she had given her £20 however she would give her more later once we had all gone. When told of this I was disgusted, how ungrateful and thoughtless of my mother to give others gifts she had been given she knew my brothers financial situation, yet she took money from him only to later give it to another, not only was she favouring one Granddaughter she was doing so using the money she was given for Xmas.

I had already decided I wouldn't be giving her any large amounts of cash ever again, and being told of this was as good as confirmation that I had done right and that she wasn't at all grateful, Just Greedy .

Years earlier I had had a Will drawn up for her at her request it was done legally. I also made promises to do things for her after she died, so when during her final week on earth I heard from my brother that he also had a will and he was intending to arrange the funeral and carry out her last requests, I was surprised but told him I wouldn't stand in his way I also mentioned that I too had made some promises to Mum, my words were ignored now of course I know why. I was actually very upset at the time especially when it became obvious I wasn't going to be given the right to carry out my promises, my Mum spoke of my having her Will only 5 or so weeks before she died, I could have easily contested the other Will however I didn't think it worthwhile, she only had a few items of sentimental value anyway.

She was in Hospital for the last weeks of her life each day my cousins and uncle kept a vigil at her bedside, I found this a strange thing to do every day, I dismissed it at first until one night I rang to enquire how she was and I was asked who I was so I told them her Daughter, to this the nurse said but her Daughter is here with her now I told the nurse that wasn't possible because she only had one Daughter, I soon caught on.

I decided to look into some of what had been going on so I set about investigating, from what I've learned she told the hospital not to leave me alone if I visited her, because I would possibly take things out of her hand bag or tell her I wanted money, she told them the same evil story about my so say robbing pensioners, that I often became violent towards her in person or when I rang her, that I had virtually terrorised her and threatened her, so could they ensure I was not at anytime alone with her, to keep her purse in the safest place if not I would steal it again!!

I was allegedly a drug addict I always wanted money from her, these also being the reasons for my not to be left alone with her, She told them I would try to get her front door keys, because I wanted to get into her place to go through her belongings and take things, she claimed I had not bothered about her when she had been in hospital, that if I did ever visit it was only to try to get more money, I am supposed to have threatened and intimidated her, and god knows what else that I'm an extremely violent person, I scared her on a regular basis she had tried to disown me but I wouldn't stay away.

However they said she was beginning to lose her mind so perhaps it was due to that so I let it go. She had lied about her so say having congestive heart failure she said she had heart attacks in her 50`s she had her first heart attack in (08) her 2nd about 10 days before she died.

I visited her on April 17th 2009 whilst there she whispered to me to get something for her so she could die, I asked what she replied heroine I had no intentions of doing anything of the kind I wouldn't know how to get hold of it anyway, however as soon as I had gone and she was alone with a nurse she told them I had told her I was going to add some heroine to her drip so she would die soon, I am assuming this reinforced her claims of my not to be left alone with her at anytime.

I did notice that not long after myself and my Brother arrived at the hospital on Saturday 18th April 2009 the nurse came along and took down her drip it wasn't empty, she took it down probably to ensure I had not put anything in it, then they put her bed directly opposite the nurses station and never moved from the desk which until then had not been manned by any of the nurses, from that day onwards I was not contacted by the hospital to inform me if she had worsened. When I left the hospital on 18/4/09 they had told me I would be notified immediately if her condition deteriorated, I wasn't informed.

With discovering the above its now as clear as glass why my family turned hostile, why they didn't want me anywhere near her place, etc. I had a feeling that something had gone on that she had said or done something in order to cause my family to exclude me, and I now believe that the above must be connected.

I would say My Mother was wicked and evil when she said she hated me she had really meant it.

In my opinion everything my Mother claimed I had been towards her of my always wanting money from her etc is the total reverse, money is not my God if I have it I have it and I will also share it, as for her possessions she had nothing worth having or what she did had been given to her as a present at one time or another, I had no need to do any of what she claimed. All I have discovered just proves to me what a nasty person my Mother was, she projected her nastiness on to me and replaced it with my good characteristics everything she claimed I am she was. She also sold a wheelchair my friend had loaned her.

She somehow managed to arrange things so that at no time when I did go to see her (at her home ) was any other family member there apart from say Xmas or her Birthdays she managed to keep us apart, so of course what she was telling others didn't ever get back to me, plus others didn't see how much I had done for her all others knew was what she led them to believe.

I am hurt however I hold no grudge.

She has destroyed my relationship with my brothers, I also know I should have severed all ties when she told me she hated me, I didn't because in my mind I couldn't comprehend that a Mother could really hate her own child, I know now that it is possible, I'm living proof. I tried throughout my life to be a decent Daughter she knew this and used it against me to further her own agenda, I've lost my family through my Mothers hate for me I can only hope she's being asked to account for her deeds.

My Mother was out and out evil I feel, I'm a survivor though Ill rise above it. Another thing My Mother did was to damage my relationship with my Dad she told him I wasn't his child.

I've also learned that my Mother told my youngest brother that she took out a £3000 bank loan, however upon investigating this I'm reliably informed that due to her age and the type of account she had, ( government issue ) she could not have possibly arranged a loan of any kind, the bank account she had did not cater to setting up direct debits plus at 75/6 years of age on state benefits and not in good health no bank would have agreed to a loan of any amount.

I am not sure and have no proof of this however I feel that she said this to my brother & his wife in order to cover her having been sent large amounts of cash on a regular basis so they were told she had taken out a loan, when in fact I had given her the money so with everything else that makes sense she would hardly want others knowing I had given her so much financial help when she was saying what she did about me, it would have been contradictory to her claims hence the bank loan story.

I know this I had not seen anything in her home when there in Dec 2008 that would account for any large amount of cash, I think she gave most of the money I had given to her to my brother & his wife, if she didn't then I guess the tooth fairy had it, I am not bothered what she did with it more so what she did against me with it. She often bought peoples affections and made out she was so generous of course she was with the cash I had given to her, it all makes sense now.

written on 11th June 2009 edited 21st August 2011

Tuesday 16 August 2011

Parenting Guidelines 0-5years

The first 5 years of any childs life are the most important years of them all, how he/she is treated during these first 5 years will shape the adult your child will eventually turn into, the foundations of the personality of your child develops in these early years - how they go on to become a person, adult, parent are formed in these first 5 years. These are also some of the most rewarding years for the parents. Enjoy them, and your child, there are some areas that will need more of your attention than others the following may help you with those areas.  Depending how a child is responded to in the first 5 years is extremely vital to the overall well being, self esteem, confidence, all depend on the first 5 years, everything your child sees in these years will remain in his/her subconscious and turn into either positive or negative attributes of his/her personality.

Birth -6months; Babies cry often but for a reason usually, they need to feel safe, secure, loved, well fed, attended to, it is not possible to spoil a Baby under 6 months old.


Crying;  babies cry for 1 of 4 main reasons, theyre hungry, theyre cold/wet, they feel insecure/lonely, theyre in pain, check all areas if baby cries a lot, does baby have wind, teething pains, too tight clothes, not enough room, no stimulation, is baby cold, too hot, in wet clothes, dirty nappy, been sick. need to be winded. Whilst its not good to ignore your baby, its also not a good idea to pick them up at every whimper, youll soon learn which tone of crying is for which area, if you pick them up as soon as they whimper they will soon come to expect you to drop everything at the slightest sound they make, let baby cry for say 3-4 cries then pick them up check nappy etc,  if all is fine they can go back in to their crib or pram and be allowed to cry a while, not too long, no more than say 2-3 minutes, rock the pram or crib this often helps them drop off to sleep, or play some soft background music, whale music is great for soothing crabby babies, theyll usually drop back off to sleep, perhaps they just want a cuddle or to hear your voice. Please note; a Baby left to cry for too long it will develope abandonment/rejection issues as an adult.


Babies can see at birth; so always look right at your baby smile at them talk to them soothe them sing to them, rock them, during feeds talk to baby, make sure you thoroughly wind them even breast fed babies, all will need to be winded, top and tail wash them in morning, and again after feeds, bathe them in evening before bedtime, always put clean dry clothes on them, and change them if theyre sick on themselves. Dont over dress, too many clothes or under dress too little, during first 4-6 weeks expect to get little sleep, and be prepared to feed on demand or 3 hourly, getting into a routine helps both you and baby, at about 4-6 weeks old baby becomes more alert to stimulation, they will follow you with their eyes. Their cry also changes from newborn to baby,  baby starts noticing their surroundings more also what gets your attention.  


Anytime from 4 months they learn to sit up usually supported at first, if you lay Baby on the floorhe will be able to move around and also lift their head and raise themselves up on the hands. About 6 months some  Babies start to crawl, Never leave your baby unattended in the bath on the bed sofa or floor for a second, always make sure you can see them. They start to chuckle, or laugh roughly at age 4-6 months or a little later. 6 months:  they fill out need bigger clothes, less feeds, can stay awake all morning or afternoon, plenty of stimulation in these first months helps baby to learn faster, and develop their senses too. Teething is usually under way by time Baby is 6months old,  Most are sleeping all through the night at 6 months too.


Grand Parents, Dads & Siblings;  - Let Grand Parents take over once a week for a few hours at least so you can pamper yourself. Also involve other children in helping you with Baby, Grandparents too need to be included, let your baby go to their home for a few hours each week. Or ask them to babysit so you can go out for the evening with your husband or partner. Also include Dads in evenings or times when he is at home, dont push him out, he played his part in the creation of your baby too, let him help out at bath times bedtime, all areas. Siblings will want to help you, so let them, dont stop them from bonding with Baby, supervise them when they hold baby, allow them to help at bath time, also try to find some time to spend with any older children, so that they wont end up feeling pushed out, include them in the daily routine, tell them Mummy will need to be shared now and that new baby doesnt mean you dont love them, give them a doll so they can mimic you, girl or boy, dolls are OK for either. - Including your older children will be beneficial to you and them, if you dont include them this could lead to resentment and aggression from your older child in the future. Toddlers love to help mummy do cleaning so give them a duster and let them " help" keep them busy and occupied whilst helping them learn, Its also good to give all children some chores to do, like tidying their room, picking up toys, putting clothes in wash, never tell them no if they want to help you unless doing something hazardous.

6 months - 1 year;  so much is happening with your baby in this time frame, your baby will learn to walk, talk, laugh, run, play, share, squabble, fight, dance, jump, plus a whole array of others skills will be learned in this time frame. Always encourage you child to share, be nice to and play with other babies/children of similar ages, by the time baby is 1 year old he /she will be showing signs of independence and of having a mind of their own, he/she will also take their first steps somewhere around this age, if your baby does something like take first steps,  praise him /her, tell them how clever they are and make a fuss of them, cheer, clap any signs of encouragement will be well received. Have a party for the 1st Birthday invite any little playmates. At each and every stage of your babies development make something special of the event or achievement praise will really help your baby excel, also if your baby takes longer over some milestone such as walking dont fret about this or try to force baby before hes ready, just so he will be equal to another persons child of the same age, your baby will do things at his own pace, no two babies will be the same in how they learn, but in your encouraging and praising your babies achievements youll be helping them to develope confidence and self esteem.

Anything from 1 year old is the time you want to start teaching them what no means, be consistent dont waver, dont say no then change your mind, or yes and then say no, you have to set boundaries for your child and stick to them, if your child refuses to take any notice of you when you tell him/her no, then start your discipline routine.  I always used the chair, I would tell my son no, once , twice would also contain a warning, 3rd time that was it, he went into the chair and was excluded from all family activity until such time as he said sorry, this could be any thing from 1- 5 minutes, but he wasnt allowed out of the chair to join in until he said sorry, I persevered he soon caught on, at about age 2 I began to tell him why he was being put in the chair in more detail and also told him it was because he had been naughty.  I wouldnt encourage chastising them by say bed with no tea or something like this, food isnt a reward and cant be used as punishment, food is a necessity, treats can be stopped as a punishment, but whatever way you decide to discipline/punish/chastise your child stick with it, always. Tell them what they have done that is/was naughty and why if possible. I found that by being firm but fair I got results. I never gave in, hard as that was at times, I knew if I did that once then that would be it small children are crafty, if they get same response enough times theyll learn, it may take a while but you have to let them know youre the boss and there are rules too, but not by shouting or screaming at them or hitting them, that just teaches them to shout and scream back. The tone of your voice can help them learn. Expect some tears when you discipline them and tantrums, stamped feet, screaming, pleading, theyll use every trick, ignore them, theyll possible strike out at you, ignore this too name calling, ignore it, screams ignore, threats ignore, theyll soon realise you mean what you say, but you must be consistent at all times, If you arent this will confuse them and theyll become even harder to handle.


2 year olds;  Often referrred to as the terrible two`s, this is because they are coming into their own at this age, they also see themselves as the centre of their own universe. They will often have opportunities to interact with others of same age let them it will be beneficial to their development,  you will discover they can be quite competitive they can show signs of liking, or disliking, another child, they will fight, kiss, slap, bite, hug, dance with, and all sorts of other interaction skills are beginning to form, at this age you can help them to learn to share, be kind, friendly etc, they will also have a sense of theirs, and may not want to let go another childs toy, youll have to gently but firmly remove the toy from their grip, saying thank you and good girl or boy, and give it back to its owner.  Expect tears, stamped feet, tantrums, screams, and more, to avoid this you can teach your child to share with say siblings, other children of same age, if you dont encourage your child to share though you could end up having some real issues, and an upset and angry child.

Potty time; Children cannot control their bladder until they are 2 years old give or take a month or 2, although some have been known to be out of nappies much earlier, that I would think was either luck or reflex action to the coldness or hardness of a potty, so if your toddler is still wearing a nappy start to teach them to use a potty after theyre 2 years old, dont force them into it its not a race, mine wore his potty, beat it like a drum, everything but sit on it, but then one time he watched his Daddy and from then onwards he wanted to do his peepee in the big daddy pot, within 6 months he was out of nappies day and night, also put training pants on them at first, make a fuss of them if they aim in to the pot tell them how clever big and special they are make it a celebration.

Nursery school age 3-4 children can go to nursery school for so many hours each day usually mornings, its hard to let your baby 3 year old go but go he/she must its great and invaluable for them to learn about being without Mum being with other children their age, being independent, having an organised environment and more, it really does prepare them for Infants school.

Teach your toddler his name address and phone number, start doing this when he/she is about 2 years old, they might not be able to remember it to begin with, so you will need to keep at it, this could prove invaluable should you and your child become separated whilst out shopping or something. We cant be with our children 24/7 and as any parent knows children can be so fast, it may only take a seconds distraction for your child to wander off or be abducted, or similar, so in teaching them their address  and phone number and to always inform you of where they are going and with whom you could be helping to save them from something nasty.

Teach your toddlers that they are always stay within the sight of a grown up if theyre out on a pre school outing, also to stay with all other children in the group, so that theyre not on their own. Its a bad world out there and perverts lurk in all areas where kids may be found or not found even, but mostly in areas children frequent, its not always strangers who take them off and hurt them.


Another piece of useful advice is always know where your child is at all times, also who he is with and their address phone number etc,check its a valid address and phone number too, you take them to the place and you go collect them, dont rely on another person to do this, or to be alone with your child, also ask the person to phone you if your child isnt where they are supposed to be, or if he/she isnt spotted for say 2 minutes or even less.

edited 17/8/2011 mariapike ©

Try To Be A Good Parent.

If take your role as a parent seriously, and therefore  want to bring your child up to become law abiding, respectful, compassionate, considerate, caring, adult, who in time will go on to choose for themselves a life partner,  eventually becoming parents themselves one day.  You need to know that if children are to become worthwhile adults then it is the Parents who need to teach them how to be worthwhile, you need to lead by example, youll need to allow your children space to be themselves and to channel them in the right direction in every area of their growth, you need to love them listen to them, teach them life skills, you must accept that they may be your children by way of you being the parent however that does not mean you own them, far from it, they are their own persons, and will become whatever type of adult because of the way they see you acting with others, how you teach is by example.  

Theyre Little Adults.

All children need to learn about boundaries, they need consistency, structure, they need to know that to live in the world one day as an adult they will need to be aware of the unwritten rules there are that will make their transition from child to adult relatively painless if they can accept that every other living breathing person on this planet is equal to themselves in all aspects no matter what, as such is entitled to be treated with the same amount of respect and consideration as they are at all times, teach your child to be well mannered and respect authority, and also that in saying "please & thank you" it shows that they are educated & respectful. As a Parent part of your role is to show/teach your children how to live in the world one day as a responsible adult. This also includes teaching them that sometimes they will encounter the NO word, and why.

You do this by being a responsible adult yourself.

Ensuring they know which way to go, how to make empowered conscious choices, and make decisions that include consideration and thought for others along the way, that whatever they decide you will be supportive and encourage them in all ways, that you will not condemn them if they make a mistake at anytime, you will not place expectations on them, you will not try to live through them.  To accept and realise they are people in their own right, to accept they do need to learn how to live in the world and thats where your parenting skills are invaluable to show them teach them, guide them and love them, also listen to them, allow them to have an opinion, teach them that life has certain rules that they will need to be aware of, that they are to be responsible and to accept the consequences of their choices and actions, good or bad at all times.  By explaining things to them whenever they get it wrong.

Praise them often, criticise rarely.

 
As a Parent also respect your child and let them know that you do, if you want to be respected then  you need to respect your children, they are people not objects they have the right to be heard to choose and to have opinions and hopefully that in your leading them they will go on to make good choices, and become good parents, and responsible loving partners and adults themselves one day in the future.  Therefore you will need to be Positive Parents in order for your children to become Positive Adults, Positive Parenting means you are going to show your children how to go out into the world and enhance it, not make it harder for other humans.  you can and  will do this by guiding them not ordering or demanding, but by loving and guiding them every step of the way until they choose to go it alone.  

By leading by example in every aspect.  

Children arent badly behaved ignorant or disrespectful by choice, theyve watched their parents, and the parents have set them bad examples.
Always want better for your children by following the above guidelines as best you can.

Saturday 13 August 2011

More on Englands Riots

I think those of us who live in UK need to ask, of all this rioting and looting who has benefited over all, its not us the citizens thats for sure. The Police were very against the proposed cuts, yet now they have been given even more powers and no doubt the proposed cuts to them will be scrapped. So Who has gained from these riots??? THE POLICE.



The same Police who stood around and did nothing whilst the youngsters involved were rioting and looting, its been said several times during this last week that when much of the rioting and looting was going on the Police were nowhere to be seen. Why was that I wonder?



I still maintain these kids were subject to some form of mind control - brainwashing. I Do NOT condone whats been done but I think theres a lot more to it than meets the eye.  I also believe its was no accident that these riots started. As well as the Police being given more powers blah blah, theres also the fact that these riots have taken the heat off of them for shooting Mark Duggan, who its been established DID NOT fire at the police at all.



Been doing some research into crowds etc, the following is some of what I found. links included.


Crowd Psychology
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crowd_psychology
Mind Control
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mind_control
Brainwashing
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brainwashing
Collective Behaviour
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collective_behavior

Social scientists have developed theories to explain crowd behavior.

Contagion Theory - the Contagion Theory was formulated by Gustave Le Bon. According to him, crowds exert a hypnotic influence over their members. Shielded by their anonymity, large numbers of people abandon personal responsibility and surrender to the contagious emotions of the crowd. A crowd thus assumes a life of its own, stirring up emotions, and driving people toward irrational, even violent action.

Convergence Theory - whereas the Contagion Theory states that crowds cause people to act in a certain way, Convergence theory states that people who want to act in a certain way come together to form crowds. It asserts that people with similar attributes find other like-minded persons with whom they can release underlying tendencies. People sometimes do things in a crowd that they would not have the courage to do alone because crowds can diffuse responsibility. Crowds, in addition, can intensify a sentiment simply by creating a critical mass of like-minded people.

Emergent-Norm Theory -  crowds begin as collectivities composed of people with mixed interests and motives. Especially in the case of less stable crowds—expressive, acting and protest crowds—norms may be vague and changing, as when one person decides to break the glass windows of a store and others join in and begin looting merchandise.

Flash mobs
A flash mob is a spontaneous gathering of individuals, usually organized in advance through electronic means, that performs a specific, usually peculiar action and then disperses. These actions are often bizarre others have been able to organize and manipulate such large crowds with the help of electronic devices and social networks.  On February 13, 2009, for example, a 22-year-old Facebook user organized a flash mob which temporarily shut down London’s Liverpool Street station.