How to keep your Love Alive

On this page youll find some Info on Unconditional Love and General Advice for anyone of a Relationship age, it doesnt matter if you are not in a relationship at this time, hopefully whats written here will serve you well for when you do embark upon a loving journey with  a person of your choosing, this is aimed at all relationships, Male/Female or Same Sex , theyre all relationships of a loving kind hopefully.

I hope you enjoy what you find, and use the info on these pages wisely. For what is written on these pages is all based on what I have learned through many years of being in Relationships, not all with the same person either.
Love  can come into you life at anytime, no matter what age you are (adults of course lol ) love doesnt have any ageism hang ups, you can fall in love at 20 or 80 and it will surprise you how much you need to do to ensure that love survives.

Love can happen at anytime to anyone, never forget this, so if you are thinking Im not going to fall in love at my age think again, if you are open to Love then it can happen, so never lose your dream, and if you find that special one, be sure to treat him or her right, treat them with Love and Respect, be kind to them be gentle Love is a very fragile thing, and can so easily be lost if not treated with your utmost respect and devotion, tell your lover how much they mean to you at all times, never leave them wondering, never withold your love, never use it to hurt another, always treasure what you have and treat it like gold because True Love is more precious more beautiful than anything youll ever have in your life.

Dont waste it revel in it, luxuriate in its comfort, and security, if you are still setting conditions then you are not In Love, if you can accept who and what your partner is good or bad, and you can ignore their faults and accept them for all they are or have been, you may just have found your Soul Mate, if you hold no expectations, if you can forgive and forget, if you can say I Love You totally and mean every word then treasure what you have. Dont ever neglect it, It is the most perfect gift you can give or be given.

I would also recommend that you dont ask your partner about their past lovers, you cannot change anything about their past, accepting them for what and who they are is aiming for the future, Youll just cause yourself heart ache and damage your relationship if you keep on asking about each others past, so dont ask, what need is there for anyone to want to know, ask about any sexual encounters that may have put them in a high risk category (for AIDS or STDs) but thats all, you dont need to ask about any details. 

I would say before anyone can find someone who will love them they need to know a few of the finer details for making a successful relationship, its surprising how many people dont think they need to do anything once they are married or living with someone. How wrong and misinformed they are, how blind and ignorant is that, if anything once you make a commitment then thats when the working towards making your relationship successful needs to begin in earnest, not come to a halt.

In the following youll find much advice & other info that will if used correctly and before its too late, help you to enhance your relationship, its not compulsory you try to implement any of this into your relationship, however I would say you have nothing to lose and so much to gain, and it wont hurt to consider these suggestions, they have worked for me, I am still as crazy about my Husband today as I was when I first met him 4 years ago, and we also still make Love as often now as we did when we were first married, I still go weak at the knees when I look at him, and he tells me he too gets a warm inner glow when he looks at me, and a feeling of pride,  knowing that Im his wife, and it is him I Love, and I do I Love him with everything I have I Love him deeply madly and unconditionally.

Firstly  before you can be loved you have to make yourself lovable, how to do this, well clear out all emotional baggage from any past Relationships, theyre over now and done with, you have to deal with any unresolved issues, you need to deal with and face any bitterness you may still hold towards any past lovers, and you need to forgive them and yourself, No relationship can fail on its own, it will have failed because you both allowed it to, you both let your ego get in the way, accepting this will help you remove the emotional baggage youre possibly carrying .

 When you have cleared this out start working on yourself, you know what your faults are, and now you have to accept that you are not perfect you are not what every Man/Woman wants, your are no more special than the next person, you are no more important or clever or gifted or talented than the next person, you are not above anyone and you are not beneath them either, youre just as good as they are and they are also as good as you, accepting that what you put into a relationship will also enhance what you get out of it will also help,
Dont go out looking for that perfect partner, but do enjoy every relationship you embark upon as if it is with your Soul Mate, treasure every moment of it spend your time thinking up new ways to please your partner, for if you please them theyll please you believe me I do know .

 Dont set your sights on the unattainable because if you do you wont attain it, be prepared to give and take, to compromise, and above all learn how to listen this is a skill thats not easy to acquire and whilst you allow your ego  to control your actions youll be unhappy.

Dont go into a relationship with expectations of say wanting your Partner to do this or that for you, do it for yourself, do what you do because you want to, dont make demands or set conditions, thats not the way of true Love,  if your partner makes you feel good tell them, dont leave them guessing thats not true love its cruel and unkind, be prepared to give whatever you want to get, if you want your partner to make you happy, you must make them happy, if you want your partner to dote on you, then dote on them, but above all else do these things with no thoughts of whats in it for me, dont do things because you mostly want them back but do them because you want to, doing them for this reason will almost always ensure you get them given back to you anyway.

How to ensure you really listen,
Setting aside a certain time of each day for letting your partner have his / her say can really help to eliminate problems developing, here is how my partner and I do this.

 Once a day every day or most  days then we meet up to go discuss the days events, one of us will tell the other how our day has been the little  irritations and everything we have felt through those events are also brought up, the one doing the talking is left to speak and get everything out, the other does not interfere or make any comments on what is being said, at all, to interupt a person when theyre talking just shows youre not really listening, so say nothing let the other person finish telling you what their day was like , let them speak their minds, and you say nothing at all. when the other has finished telling you, dont respond to what youve heard just yet, give yourself 5 minutes then respond, accept your role in everything that youve been told that concerns you, dont make excuses for your actions, accept them, admit if you have been at fault dont try to argue the fact, thats just undermining your partners intelligence and also bad manners, instead try this,

Say to your Partner,
" Im very sorry youve had a bad day and for my role in any event that may have increased this, I apologise for my upsetting you by my thoughtless actions or loosely spoken words"

Then you tell your partner how your day has been try not to justify your own actions, accept that you may have been at fault, and each of you do this, then after its all out in the open, find ways together of how you can overcome the issues that caused a problem. Find a happy medium, and above all else accept that you may have been wrong, may not have gone about something in a thoughtful manner.

Listening is the main ingredient for a successful relationship, if you dont listen you wont get anywhere, and this means BOTH of you not just one. Another way to ensure a harmonious relationship is to tell each other what is bothering you, and why, dont expect them to read your mind, or play guessing games like when he/she say asks you whats wrong you say nothing, or if you dont know Im not going to tell you, tell them, they then have a chance to help to put things right to know whats bothering you and why will help you both over come it.
 
So far Ive suggested ways to help you keep the lines of communication open in a relationship, this is an area that many people neglect and many relationships end because of communication breakdown.

Another thing I would recommend you do in your relationships, is keep the romance alive, far too often  once in a long term relationship the couple involved will stop bothering to romance their partner, and this can damage the self esteem of both partners, and will also increase the chances of a communication breakdown.

What you can do to help prevent this, remember before you got married, you would get showered shaved and changed out of your work clothes before going to meet your then GirlFriend, and for the female did you not always put your make up on made sure your hair was all nice made sure you smelled good and looked good, did you not also listen intently when your partner spoke, laughed at their jokes even the corny ones, you talked to each other you didnt shout, you always spoke to them in soft tones, all in all you treated each other well, and showed consideration and respect towards each other. correct?

So why not do this when you are married or living with your partner,? Did getting Married or making a commitment all of a sudden give you the right to talk down to your partner, shout at them, did it also stop you bothering,? does your partner no longer warrant the effort you made back then? they are still the same person you met and fell in Love with, so why have you stopped bothering, if you fall into this category I would say stop NOW!! make the effort, when you get home from work go have a bath and shave change out of your work clothes, and speak to your partner in the same tones you used before you set up home together, for the female I say you know what time he gets home, so 30 or so minutes before hes due home, go freshen up, change your dress, put a little make up on, and tidy up your hair and when he comes through the door greet him with an Hello Darling how was your day, give him a kiss.

Get yourself into doing this on a regular basis, every day dont use the kids as an excuse because it wont hold water, it takes minutes to make that effort and youll find it worthwhile, do it for yourself and also for your relationship, youll feel better and he/she will begin to notice you again, No woman wants to make love to a Man who has just got out of his smelly work clothes and fallen into bed, and no man wants to make love to a woman who is looking like she`s been dragged through a hedge backwards, Youre supposed to love this person, so why not show it just because youre now married or living together, keep the romance alive, both of you, it takes 2 to make it and 2 to break it.

Also when the children are in bed, go sit down with your partner, dont sit on separate chairs sit together on the sofa, its nicer and shows youre thinking in terms of US not ME.

Many little things can keep the romance alive, I put little notes in my Husbands Brief Case, or Ill ring him when hes at the office and make a date with him for that evening, Ill tease him and tempt him, all during the day by maybe sending him provocative texts, or phone calls, and he does the same in return, and by the time he walks through the door, I could pounce on him, because in doing as we do we keep the desire for one another alive too.

 Another thing I would recommend  couples do thats when youve Made Love Thank each other, that may sound crazy to some people, but its not its a mark of respect of showing your partner they pleased you, and you enjoyed yourself, dont turn over and go straight to sleep lay together in each others arms and whilst you are just laying their basqueing in the afterglow just say to them Thank You that was wonderful, its little things like that that will help your relationship work.

 This is all aimed at both partners not just one, you both have to make the effort, a Marriage or long term commitment will only work if you BOTH work at it, its a partnership, if you started up a Company together wouldnt you do all in your power to make that Company a success,? so whats different in a Marriage or Long Term Commitment?  you want that to work so make it work by working at it together as a team, try it youve nothing to lose but so much to gain.

Have Fun together
Make your relationship fun, keep smiling and your love will stand  a much better chance of surviving, dont let things between you both become mundane or predictable, surprise your partner by dressing in sexy lingerie or for males  do a sexy little strip once in a while, Women do the same, another thing once you have children try to organise they stay with the Grand Parents over night say once a month, make that night your night of loving make it a loud and lusty night.

  I know many couples suppress their vocal expressions of enjoyment once children come along, so when you dont have them for the night make that night a Loud night be expressive, and once you do have children then this would be a perfect time for you to say Thank You to your Lover after making Love you dont need to suppress that saying thank you wont wake the children, and it will help keep your love alive.

 Never use sex as a bartering tool, such as well Ill let you make love to me tonight if you mend the shelves or do this or do that, in doing  this kind of thing  do you realise youre indirectly prostituiting yourself, you may pooh hoo this but you are youre offering sex for favours, what do you think a Prostitute does she gives sex and gets paid, well in asking for that shelf to be fixed thats exactly what youre doing, in another form, think about it.?

Also Men mostly if your partner says shes not in the mood for loving, take it on the chin, dont coerce her into performing, if you do then she will probably be faking it, or thinking hurry up, or something similar, and another thing this will do, it will build up resentment between you both, I know its a disappointment when one partner doesnt feel like it, but its not the end of the world, and if you dont pressure your partner to perform, youll probably find they will be more receptive to your advances, sometimes though we all  feel like going without it once in a while, even I have just gone to sleep on the odd occasion, lol not many admittedly  but once or twice I have we both have, and on those occasions if  my partner was wanting to Make Love  I wasnt pressured when I said I didnt feel like it, we still cuddled still kissed, and fell asleep in one anothers arms just like we always do, he respects and understands that I may on occasions not feel like making love, but we dont make a big thing out of it, and he would never ever pester me , or cajole me into having sex, he wouldnt want that. Neither should you, it wouldnt be making Love in the true sense it would be finding a release for pent up sperm, or something, and thats totally unfair and its also using a persons body.

 If you do this you dont have that much love or respect for your partner as a person, this also applies to Women, no ones a machine, be understanding and say thats fine Darling, and just cuddle up with them, saying NOT tonight doesnt have to end in you rejecting them which will eventually cause major issues in your relationship, there is a way of letting them down gently use it.

By being Understanding, not Demanding.
Use endearments or little pet names for each other, My Husband and I almost always call each other either Darling or Babe he also calls me Angel or we both call one another honey, sweetheart or similar.

This helps to make your partner feel loved and wanted , and is also a really fun way to share the Love you have with others people often say to my Husband, wow you still call your wife Darling or Babe after all this time, LOL My Husband says I do yes beause she is my Darling and My Babe so why not call her it. and I say likewise when I am asked how come you still call your Husband Darling, Honey etc, We use these little endearments  because thats how we view the other, as our Darling or my Love Honey, because we are keeping the romance alive. Didnt you use such endearments once? well start using them again.

We also often send one another Love Letters I dont mean notes here I mean long deep and intense Love Letter full of wonderful things, of our love for each other, and we also post them , and  we dont tell the other of this we let them find out, and the surprise is so beautiful and its such a wonderful feeling  getting the days post and finding theres an envelope with hand writing you recognize on it, it doesnt always register at first that its from my Husband,. I open it up and read the first line and I know immediately  its from him, and those Love Letters Ill treasure forever  I have them all in a beautiful wooden  box thats lined with red velvet and has my initials on the top with the words My Love Letters, my Husband gave it to me on our wedding day and I looked at it and said but I only have 3-4  love letters, with that he said youll have more Darling take it from me youll have many more and I do I now have about 35 or 36, and they are stored in that box, what a romantic gesture, how wonderful and thoughtful,? well you too can do this start by writing a love letter and pop it someplace it will be seen or post it if youre that way inclined see the look of pure delight on their faces as they read that Love Letter, its awesome take it from me I know Ive seen it and also worn it too.

The Most Important thing for anyone to say to their Partner is
 I LOVE YOU  Daily.

If you relly want your relationship to work then you probably already do most of the things I have suggested on this page. So good luck to you and if your relationship is half as fulfiling, half as wonderful half as loving as mine then  youll know how wonderful it feels to really love someone. its heaven on earth.
Another area of any relationship that youll need to work at some what more often or more in depth is the Bedroom.

When  a couple are first together they are like rabbits hopping on and off each other at all manner of odd times/ places etc and you both loved it, however many couples tend to slow down after say 6 months, then by 4 years example only, theyre down to maybe only being intimate once a week, and many let that also become more of a chore than a form of mutual satisfaction and sharing the love they feel, hes down to 3 strokes and a grunt, she feels like a ferry roll on roll off. Hardly worth the effort,

 So why not keep your sex life active and interesting  by roleplaying, seduction, talking dirty to one another, or  make a date with your partner, my Husband and I often do just that usually once a week, what we do is off the cuff one of us will normally ring the other during the day, so lets say it me, I ring him and when he answers I will say, hello Darling, I was wondering  are you doing anything on Friday , he usually says no so I say well how about meeting me and going for a drink or two in the village pub, and then Ill take you and show you my ceiling tiles, and if you play your cards right I may even end the night by seducing you.

So you make your date but its only Tuesday ? so use the days before the arranged date to temp each other, I would say make the date one day and the next I would send a provocative email or text , and from then until day of the date I would have been teasing him with hints of maybe this or  that.
By the time its  the date were almost ripping one another clothes off.
Also make time for you, and also each time for each other, or dress up and surprise him or her that way,

 Another way to spice up your sex life is to tell each other about any fantasy you may have, dont be shy this is your Man/Woman, you love him/her,. so whats to be shy about, and the person who is being told about the fantasy dont laugh or make fun of your partner it has taken a lot for him/her to tell you about their fantasy, respect them for that and show a genuine interest no one likes to be ridiculed . Theyre also doing what they can to keep your love life together interesting, and all credit to them for even trying.

 Make Love making fun and fulfilling
There are a hundred or more ways you can spice up your love life it only takes a willing and adventurous imagination, so think up some of your own, dont just do it when your relationship is going down hill do it at the start and carry on doing it this way itll be easier.

written in approx 2004/5 by MP